Most people try to rein themselves in during the holidays.  Skip the stuffing, not so much cranberry sauce, just one slice of pumpkin pie.

But not me.

Not this year.

I had enough of “watching what I eat” and being sensible.  I wanted to marinate in deliciousness.  One fine day, while my love muffin was out playing volleyball, I whisked myself to the grocery store and went to town.

Nothing was safe!  Everything I’d ever wanted as a kid and as an adult found its way into my cart.

Ho-Hos.  Oatmeal Cream Pies.  Heavenly Hash ice cream.  Brownies.  Boston and Bavarian Creme donuts.  Dark chocolate cupcake mix.  Rainbow Chip icing.  Frosted Flakes.  LUCKY FREAKING CHARMS.

$60 worth of artfully crafted sugar awesome.

I ate no vegetables.  No square meals.  The healthiest thing I had all month was water.  I was the witch living in a gingerbread house, baby!

And I’m sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that I did not lose any weight.  (I gained 5 lbs.)

But what did come as a surprise was that some days I felt so ill that I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I was sick to my stomach.  I felt so gross and every time Chris tried to touch me I wanted to throw up.

Actually I was on the verge of throwing up most of the time.

I literally waddled up the stairs to our office and then immediately needed to sit down.  Or fall on the floor.  Whichever…I’m flexible.

But the icing on the cake – ha! – was when, one fine Monday night, I decided that I would rather stay in than go dancing. Yes, that sound you heard was hell freezing over.

Now, if I was a smart blogger, I would have overshared my misery on camera and eventually sold my “groundbreaking” documentary to a big time studio.

(Because, apparently, acting like Captain Obvious is a genius marketing move.  Yes, Super-Size-Me guy I am looking at you.)

I, however, decided to suffer in silence.

AND SUFFER I DID.

Not only did I feel craptacular, I actually looked craptacular.  My gorgeous skin was an overnight hot mess.  Did you know that people who tell you that what you eat has nothing to do with acne are lying to you?  I didn’t but I know that now.

The craziest thing was that I had more wrinkles show up in the last two weeks than in the last two years!

WRINKLES!!!!!

So, as I was munching on my breakfast brownie, I considered the ramifications of sugar on my health.  It’s one thing to read about how high levels of sugar will give you diabetes, it is quite another to drop into a sugar coma for a month.

The last time I tried giving up sugar was an unmitigated disaster.  I felt like a crack addict going through withdrawal!  And two weeks in, I caved.

But as anyone in a 12-step program will tell you, you have to hit rock bottom before you’ll change.  And waddling up the stairs?  ROCK BOTTOM.

So I am totally going to give up sugar…after I finish this pan of brownies.

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