When I was 16, my mom called 9-1-1 and told them that I was a runaway…while I was standing right next to the phone. Then, when the cops showed up, she told me to stay in the house.
(She was mad and wanted them to take me to juvie.)
I may have been a teenager, but I wasn’t stupid. I stood in that doorway to make sure the officers saw me.
I have since stayed in touch with one of those officers, Officer Yvonne, a sergeant with the Bexar County Sheriff’s Department. Next to my godfather and foster parents, she literally helped me change my life.
She’s one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met.
So you can imagine what I felt when in her most recent email she mentioned feeling burned out by her job, about maybe going into teaching. She just sounds frustrated and maybe a little heart heavy.
Then she asked for help.
So now I’m asking you. Do you have any ideas? Can you help me brainstorm a solution?
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November 30, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Amanda
Here in the Seattle area, we just lost four of our defenders yesterday morning in what can only be catagorized as a massacre. They were at a coffee shop getting ready to start their shifts when a man walked in and basically shot and killed all four of them…our community and our state are reeling from this attack. Between the four of them, nine children are now without one of their parents. It is beyond devastating.
While your friend seeks other ways to use her degree, please let her know that what she has done in serving her community and fellow citizens is deeply appreciated, abundantly valued, and that she has made a difference, no matter what she chooses to to next.
hayden tompkins says:
Amanda, this is so very true. I wonder if she feels unappreciated, like she hasn’t made a difference. But I know she has!
My thoughts are with your community. What happened there is nothing short of heinous and shocking.
November 30, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Bill
One thing that could be useful is for her to write a dream for her life. Not a pie in the sky dream and not a dream that is just moving furniture around (i.e. same basic life just a little more comfortable). Write a dream that makes your heart sing. I think people mostly find them stuck in the way that she’s stuck because they don’t have a dream that makes them feel differently about their life NOW. So they try a little of this and a little of that, trying to find their way to what they want.
I’m a first timer here at your blog, but the title of your blog speaks volumes to what would benefit her (at least as I interpret the title so far). She’s created an illusion for herself called her life and now she, in some way, has lost sight of who she is. Writing the dream in the way that I’m describing will allow her to see through the illusion. Her life today is only a reflection of how much distance she is experiencing between who she is today and who she really wants to be.
That’s not to say that who she is today isn’t great. Clearly, she’s made a difference in your life. Point is that she’s not fully experiencing who she wants to be. Once she puts that into language, she’ll start to gravitate there naturally.
Hope this helps! I look forward to reading more good stuff!
hayden tompkins says:
You have definitely outlined some impactful solutions! The only concern I have is that she isn’t coming to me for help in a ‘personal development’ sense, but in a I’m-putting-my-feelers-out-there kind of way. Since I have no ‘feelers’ in San Antonio, I’m been unsure how to approach this.
Thank you very much for your support and great ideas!
December 1, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Bill
Ahhhhhh….got it!
November 30, 2009 at 11:15 pm
cory huff
I’m with Bill – she should write down what she really wants out of life. It’s okay to make a career change – most people go through that. Just be purposeful about it. Don’t just go start teaching school, instead think about what you’d really like to do, then figure out how to make that happen.
hayden tompkins says:
It’s true, she may be escaping more than moving to something.
December 1, 2009 at 12:01 am
Tina
I went through the same exact thing at age 30 when I realized I didn’t want to be a teacher for the next 40 years. Through a series of events, I was able to go through career counseling and ended up pursuing a job I never even dreamed was possible and got it! It took me some time, and I’m now 40, but I am also 4 classes away from earning a master’s degree.
I would recommend your friend contact her alma mater and see what kinds of career counseling services or job placement services they offer to alumni. Also, if she has taken the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, there is tons of information online about what kinds of jobs are best suited for the different personality types. Just doing a little research may spark an interest she would have never considered otherwise.
I would also recommend she look into employment at a local college (I know there are several in Bexar county!). I did that so I could go to school for free (started as a secretary until my dream job came open within the university!!). And if she gives you that, “I’m too old to go back to school” stuff, trust me! She’s not! I’m older than some of my professors in graduate school! But it could be that she would thrive at learning something new as I have AND those students around her would benefit from her expertise as well!
Good luck to her and how awesome for you to be able to give back to someone who has given you so much!
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you, Tina. This is perfect and super helpful! THANK YOU!
And thank you for sharing your experience. I’m so glad you were able to get your dream job and congratulations on being so close to your Master’s!
December 1, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Regina
Being a police officer is extremely important and I can imagine, very tiring.
I’m a mother of a teenage boy with Aspergers Syndrome. Not sure if you’ve ever heard of this, but it is a challenge primarily of social skills, i.e. they can’t pick up on social cues making them seem rude or demeaning and have difficulty with sensory issues that really drive them into “tantrums.”
This may be way out there, but……. One thing the autistic community needs is understanding of their idiosycrasities by police officers, first responders, etc. It would be wonderful if your friend could train other police officers about autism/aspergers syndrome and the characteristics that go along with it. Then, she would still be a police officer and would get to teach too.
Just a suggestion…..
Regina
hayden tompkins says:
Regina, this is spectacular. Thank you! Yes, I am familiar with Aspergers and other forms of autism. It can be very frustrating if you don’t know exactly what you are dealing with and the last thing we need are frustrated police officers. We ask them to do so much, often they are ad hoc counselors and mental health professionals in a demanding and stressful job.
This is a wonderful suggestion.
December 1, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Tess The Bold Life
I think teaching would be a thankless job unless she has a very strong desire to connect and help young people. My best friend is a teacher and she has to travel to 3 schools and has 600 students. Her elderly father makes name badges of the students. Crazy eh?
My daughter quit teaching due to having to pass students that fail. She was called down to the principles office for refusing to pass them. She tried 5 schools before she got out of teaching.
I don’t want to discourage her if her heart is in it but I also want her to know what teaching is all about. I’d encourage her to speak with other teachers.
Does she like to write? Wouldn’t a book about her work be interesting? Maybe a blog where she could help others? Just my thoughts for what ever they’re worth. I hope I wasn’t to harsh. Just bold!
hayden tompkins says:
Bold is bodacious! I actually wondered if there weren’t some life skills she’s gained that others could benefit from in a written format. It’s a fabulous idea, thank you!
December 2, 2009 at 11:46 am
Eternal*Voyageur @ Venusia*Glow
I think that she needs an activity or hobby that would help her de-stress: music, yoga, hoopdance, hiking… the possibilities are endless. She could choose something that would have zero stress, and would give her pleasure.
hayden tompkins says:
That is a great idea! They really do have incredibly stressful jobs, plus she is a mom so there’s tons of stress there too.
December 5, 2009 at 5:59 am
Just Jonny
From what I understand, police officers tend to surround themselves with other like-minded officers. With all that group think, perhaps she needs an objective outsider as a sounding board. From the sound of it, she’s breaking away from the conformity of her job with some independent thought and wants some reassurance that she’s not crazy for it. I would be wary of steering her anywhere, and instead, allowing her to come up with a solution. I mean she has had “security” for a long time and a radical departure from it, without an adequate plan, could leave her vulnerable and in an unfamiliar state.
For all we know, she realizes she is aging and isn’t satisfied that she has something to show for it. Teaching others may be a signal that she wants to impart her life’s knowledge onto others and create a legacy to leave behind. Perhaps her “desire” to be an educator can be merged with the skill-set she already possesses in the form of a police trainer. You’ve probably spoken with her again by now, so perhaps you can provide more information so we can better understand what she’s thinking. In the meantime, I hear the Secret Service might be hiring.
hayden tompkins says:
I wonder if she’s up for learning Arabic languages!