People who seek to connect are usually intuitive, observant, and deeply insightful.
They are also pretty sensitive to the ugliness in the world. The small acts of disrespect, the attrition of personhood, the subtle owning of another person.
This is all wrong! Why can’t anyone see what happening here??
Instead of experiencing deep connection, the sensitive end up feeling deeply alienated. Alone. Misunderstood. As if the world is broken.
The thing about “plugging in” is that we have to be able to unplug. To simply be. To turn reconnect with our being and process our experience. To center. To breathe.
There’s a reason that the guys with the “truth” end up in a cave on a mountain!
As I was working my way through the ick in Tennessee, a good friend kept suggesting I go out and a place of my own. A fort in the woods, a space my very own.
As it turns out, this suggestion was pure genius.
Many faiths have ritualized the experience of creating this space for ourselves – prayer and meditation, retreats, candle lighting, chanting – while each experience is different, the reaching is the same.
Inner connection to source.
So what happens when you are totally 100% plugged in to everything all the time? You create resistance which buffers which is then disconnection from the experience.
So even if you can’t “unplug”, your psyche creates a negative method for disconnection.
And just as healthy connection is important, healthy disconnection is equally important. So take a break. Do something for yourself.
Find your fort in the woods!





12 comments
Comments feed for this article
November 24, 2009 at 2:44 am
Positively Present
Love what you’ve written here. I really do think that disconnecting is sometimes just as important as connecting. I’m glad you brought this up!
hayden tompkins says:
I probably would have had a much better time in TN if I’d had my own place to just be.
November 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Tracy
WOW, I relate so well with most of your posts. This one hit home! I think you honestly wrote this after a conversation we had or something. This is me and how I feel. I am Mrs. Sensitive! I dont have enemies and if one happens to be hurt in my path I feel weak, horrible and fix them up right away. I care so much about others that I lose me. So I am learning to UNPLUG. I have had a blog now for over a year and have recently stumbled upon this one and a few others that are like FREE therapy sessions. So Thank You. Thank you for making me feel different than I did before. I am realizing I am not crazy nor am I alone!!!
hayden tompkins says:
No way! It can be hard to process a bunch of anything, be it positive or negative. You are not crazy and you are definitely not alone! (Or should I say, you are not alone and you are definitely not crazy?)
November 24, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Tess The Bold Life
Hayden,
I love how Byron Katie says we’re all right where we need to be and don’t get caught up in the stories we tell ourselves that create our suffering.
My 89 year old mom fell last week. I found myself sad and thinking of her lonely and hurting all by herself (my dad died in June). I found myself sending her blessings and prayers but still sad.
I went and found B.K’s book and read what I’d underlined for times like these. She says it’s not my turn to suffer so stop already!
I reframed the story I was telling myself to “my mom is nearing the end of her life and this is what is happening is normal and part of life. She is taking something for pain, she’s sleeping well and she’s getting the best care in the world.”
Anyway I’m thinking this is what you meant by disconnecting. Happy Thanksgiving!
hayden tompkins says:
Reframing can be a pretty powerful tool for helping us heal! Byron Katie is right, much of our suffering is built into our perspective.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom but I’m happy that you’ve been able to come to a place of peace.
November 24, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Fabeku
Can I just say word!
I’m totally down with the idea of disconnecting and unplugging to stay happy and sane and all that good stuff.
Being plugged in all the time – stimulated all the time – can make get nutty in no time. I get really out of balance and all kinds of cranky.
Healthy disconnection…. I love that! And, for me, it’s so so so necessary.
You perpetually rock.
hayden tompkins says:
It takes one to know one!
November 24, 2009 at 4:15 pm
mssc54
“Find your fort in the woods!”
YAY FOR A FORT IN THE WOODS!!!
Give my regards to the Chigger family.
hayden tompkins says:
Har.
November 24, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Kool Aid
I love finding a peaceful place for me to just “be” and I’m glad you’re finding yours!
And I second mssc54’s regards to the Chigger family
hayden tompkins says:
He totally knows they creep me out!
November 24, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Ian | Quantum Learning
Apart from all the great reasons you give to ‘unplug’, I think that contrasts are important with pretty much everything. I mean we often only appreciate something when we have the opposite as a contrast. Light/dark, beauty/ugliness … connection/disconnection.
hayden tompkins says:
Oh, this is so true.
November 25, 2009 at 4:46 am
Lori
Hayden,
Once again, you hit the nail on the head. Growing up on a farm with no one around but my family, I’d often to play in the dirt in the trees. I can even remember my Mom saying in a response to my whining, “Why can’t you just go play in the dirt!?”
And you know what? I think she was a truly enlightened woman. It’s amazing how many games you can play in the dirt all by yourself.
I think my plugged-in nature is just a remedy for the many years I spent growing up really lonely with no playmates. So, thanks for helping me recover!
Great post, Hayden.
hayden tompkins says:
LOL! I have fond, fond memories of dirt although I never managed the tree thing. (Miami has a lot of unclimbable pine trees!) I guess you’re just getting your balance on!
November 25, 2009 at 5:18 am
Chris
A fort in the woods sounds like a fantastic ides.Be connected all you want or need but,yes find a place and a way to disconnect.Just slow down and relax.Treat yourself to a look inside to see the person who lives there.
hayden tompkins says:
People talk about information overload when in comes to technology but it is true that you can have empathy overload. I like the idea of connecting with the person inside.
November 25, 2009 at 2:57 pm
connie
I was thinking of building a treehouse in my little patch of woods. Any place that puts me in a forest or near water soothes my soul.
hayden tompkins says:
A treehouse is AWESOME. And probably chigger free! You should totally do it!
November 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Kip de Moll
I was going to say something about how music is my disconnection, getting lost in the song makes my sorrow, worries and pain go away. But Lori’s comment about dirt reminds me that my father “deeded” me a 10′x20 piece of our backyard to dig in as much as I liked. For many years, I dug fox holes, buried pipes, cellars, just a kid with a shovel digging dirt and filling in the holes. Best “toy” ever!
hayden tompkins says:
Fox holes! AWESOME!!!!!!
I totally want one…or five.
December 3, 2009 at 1:25 am
Nicole J. Butler
I just ran across this. Absolutely true for a sensitive INFJ like me. For a long time I tried to make people understand why I needed to drop out of sight so that I could hear my own voice. Wish I had this blog post THEN because you’ve made it so clear and succinct.
Now I just ‘go underground’ and those who matter understand, and those who don’t understand don’t matter!
hayden tompkins says:
That is so true! I’m I think it’s awesome that you claimed your ‘you’ time even if you couldn’t articulate exactly why you needed it. Go you!