For a long time I had a problem with money. (Basically, I distrusted rich people.)
In fact, while I made enough money to irrevocably establish my independence and to ensure I would never be at anyone’s mercy again, I also ensured that I was never on the road to wealth.
I needed to change my thinking about money and align with the truth, that money is simply a tool in our society. That it’s the quantifiable measurement of the value we instill into the world.
The thing is that we really don’t want to become the thing that we hate (or distrust) and we’ll subconsciously find ways to sabotage ourselves if the conscious us insists on heading in that direction.
Lucky for me, I finally realized that it wasn’t rich people that I distrusted…it was people in a position of power!
In my mind wealth was inextricably tied to power but in reality the two are not mutually inclusive.
But why hate on power?
I was raised in a world where power was dangerous. Where it corrupted and poisoned, where it leached humanity from us. Where absolute power corrupts absolutely.
And so I only ever used it defensively, just enough to set boundaries and establish that I ‘meant business’ but never enough to assert myself over anyone else.
My own endeavors at attaining wealth were a disaster. How could they not be? Attaining wealth can only be done through the exercise of our own power.
We must be willing to boldy assert our vision for ourselves, for our company. We must be willing to put ourselves out there – to become marketers of our product or business, to claim our passion and profession.
We must become leaders.
Of course I couldn’t do any of these things.
I was so afraid of power, of my own power, that my subconscious couldn’t allow me to become a powerful person. It wouldn’t let me become someone or something that I hated.
Since that day, 15 years ago, I have focused on opening to truth and love. Living with integrity and connectedness while eschewing all trappings of power. But it’s clear that there can be no forward momentum, no progress without power.
The truth is that power is simply the engine of effectiveness.
Ergo the less powerful I am, the less effective my action.
How many of us are reaching without success? Without impact and significance? How is that affecting our ability to create abundant income in our lives?
We must build force behind our action, the power of which will propel us toward our dream.
Building power begins at home.
By saying “no”. By saying “yes”. By following through on our word. (When we say we’ll do something, the universe should be 100% sure it will happen!) By taking incrementally larger leadership roles. By really believing in our abilities.
How can you start owning your power?
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October 9, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Night Writer
As part of her role as a chaplain, my wife has attended a couple of seminars and done some reading that has shown her that poor people really do think differently than middle-class people and middle-class people really think differently than rich people. There were some amazing examples and role-playing exercises in these meetings that were real eye-openers. We always tend to think our way of thinking is “normal” and that most people generally take the same things for granted as we do. If middle class, you might see that poor people don’t do things the way you do (are actions are really a result of our thinking), while at the same time assuming rich folks are just like you but with more money.
Ethnicity has something to do with it, but isn’t the defining characteristic. Rich blacks and hispanics think more like rich whites and asians than they do poorer people of their own race. (Unless they’re professional athletes, which goes a long way, perhaps, in explaining why so many fabulously rich athletes are broke five years after they quit playing – Sports Illustrated did a very good article on this a couple of months back.)
I’ll try to find the name of the book my wife read and the people who did the seminars. In the meantime, here’s a link to something I have at work that touches on some of this:
Why do African-Americans and Hispanics Save Less Than Whites and Asians? http://www.ebri.org/pdf/401KSentinelPR.pdf
hayden tompkins says:
I found this
and this
to be absolutely fascinating! I can attest from my own experience that Latinos do often spend the majority of their money on family. I would love to know what book you are talking about if you are ever able to find it.
I read a study about the level of money circulation in communities. Money recirculation was highest in the Latin community and lower, though still measurable, in the Black community (where money is circulated from one business to the other, the impact of $1 being greater in communities of higher recirculation levels).
October 9, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Lori
Hayden,
I read your post here today and I can’t believe how in synch we are! You say it, sister!!
I completely agree with you. I also believe we were each born with an inherent power to lead and incite change.
I also enjoyed Night Writer’s comment, very interesting! It really all comes down to our thoughts and what we believe.
You have a powerful blog, Hayden. I’m happy I found you!
~xo
hayden tompkins says:
Maybe I just needed the leadership message reinforced…the universe is sometimes sneaky that way.
P.S. Thank you for sharing the love! I finally decided to step out of my digital shell and I am so glad that I did. You’re hands-down, 100% awesome!
October 9, 2009 at 11:58 pm
pannonica
My problem was that I was afraid of money.
Even though I’ve always been pretty good at math, as soon as that $ was placed in front of numbers, I’d lose confidence. Similar thing afflicted me in chemistry lab (“Water, what’s that? What does it do?”) but that’s getting off track. Consequently, I was very circumspect when it came to money. Not that I wasn’t generous with tips or gifts or anything like that, but in terms of planning, investing, and the like. And I would never, ever buy something if I wasn’t sure I could pay for it all within a month. Two, if it was substantial.
This led me to allow someone else, whom I trusted implicitly, to control my money and I paid for that abdication dearly. The lesson I learned the hard way is that one should never relinquish financial control entirely, to anyone. You’ve imparted this advice earlier in your blog, but it bears repeating. I know that this aspect wasn’t the main thrust of this post, but it’s the part that speaks to me.
hayden tompkins says:
I can’t help but wince at your experience, that’s rough. It’s even worse when we’ve been let down by someone we care about and trust. Our situations aren’t the same but I can say that co-signing Sean’s loan and then getting left with it has been a source of heartache.
Have you been able to face that fear and maybe rebuild some of your fiscal confidence? I found that starting with the basics made dealing with the rest of it a helluva lot easier.
October 10, 2009 at 7:50 am
Faramarz - Anxious Candy
I wish people would realize that money is not a material thing that it is a symbol and more of idea than an actual thing and that being poor is more a reflection of your character and state of mind than how much money you actually have
hayden tompkins says:
So true, Faramarz! I guess that why when “poor” people win the lottery they are back to being at the bottom within 5 years.
October 10, 2009 at 10:33 am
zhisou
I love your attitude and ideas. I like having some power, I enjoy the responsibility and how having power allows me to influence. I have tried to intellectualize it but have learnt to accept it as just something that’s part of who I am – biological not logical.
hayden tompkins says:
Having power is really just a measure of your effectiveness and impact, and I don’t see anything wrong with that! Just as long as you use your powers for the forces of good, of course.
October 10, 2009 at 7:05 pm
vered | blogger for hire
Sounds like you’re making great progress.
I always thought money equals independence. Not power. Or maybe it’s power in the sense that it empowers you and frees you.
hayden tompkins says:
Vered, that’s a really great way to frame this and I love how it flips the idea of “power” for positivity. Empowered!
October 11, 2009 at 5:23 am
Stacey / Create a Balance for Moms
I think establishing a solid relationship with money is critical to success. The books “think and grow rich” had a big impact on how I view money.
hayden tompkins says:
So right! It really does set our “financial universe”.
P.S. Sooo many people love that book!
October 12, 2009 at 5:32 pm
mssc54
Money CAN be power but money can also be crippling. Remember Howard Hughes?
If you think you are leading and know one is following then you are likely just out for a walk.
Let you “yes” mean yes and your “no” mean no. Be consistent.
hayden tompkins says:
Ahem, independent, it means you’re a trailblazer for one!
P.S. Howard Hughes is a GREAT example.
October 12, 2009 at 6:18 pm
purposepowercoaching
Thanks Hayden, I appreciated this. One thing I’ve been doing to further step into my own power is to ask myself, whenever I start feeling shame or embarrassment, “am I out of integrity?” A lot of shame I’ve experienced, I realize, comes from a sense that I’m displeasing someone else, and has nothing to do with whether I’m acting in line with my own values. When I focus on whether I’m following my own rules, as opposed to whether someone else is unhappy, I can live in a way that’s more truthful to myself.
hayden tompkins says:
Chris, I absolutely love your description of real(?) shame. Being out of integrity. Alas, it doesn’t make me feel any better in most of my cringe-inducing circumstances because the answer is most definitely “yes”. I guess the trick is to ask that question before making the choice!
October 13, 2009 at 5:54 am
Walter
Power starts from within and is manifested outside. It is a virtue we must develop on ourselves, otherwise we cannot truly appreciate our true worth and our unlimited capacities.
hayden tompkins says:
Indeed.