Speaking of weddings, wedding costs can spiral quickly out of control if you let them. Here are 6 ways to rock your wedding without emptying your wallet!
Joint Expenses. I personally dislike the whole concept of a proposal. Especially how men are under substantial social pressure to spend 3 months worth of their income on a ring, hoping that it is her taste and that she’ll say “yes”.
No, thanks!
Chris and I made the decision to get married together and so we shared the cost of the wedding, as well as the cost of our rings. Why not start your wedding the way you hope to start your marriage; as a partnership! It is much easier to keep costs down if you are not spending ’someone else’s money’.
Diamonds. I don’t believe in buying diamonds.
Not that I think all diamonds are ‘conflict’ diamonds, but the fact of the matter is that most diamonds come from Africa. Africa happens to be one of the poorest continents in the world which I find ridiculous seeing how much they have in natural resources and in mineral wealth. I don’t want to support corrupt governments and I definitely don’t want to support the DeBeers way of doing business there.
So I told Chris that I was a-ok with cubic zirconia or crystals a la Swarovski (much less expensive and more in line with my values). He ended up picking a beautiful, synthetic sapphire ring. There were some small, real diamonds around the sapphire but you really can’t shouldn’t get all nitpicky about something like that. It’s a beautiful ring and he was very happy with it.
Champagne Toast. Do without the open bar and stick with an elegant champagne and sparkling cider toast. Not only is serving alcohol expensive but it is just asking for trouble!
I don’t know where people got the idea that they needed the option of getting trashed at a wedding, but anyone who is upset that there is no alcohol is probably not a person you wanted drinking in the first place.
Favors. People lose their minds over spending money on wedding favors and, for the most part, favors just end up being another tsotchke to declutter.
So for our wedding favor, we made memory books. They included each guest and our favorite memory of that person. (I wrote the ones for my guests and Chris wrote the memories for his guests.) People had LOADS of fun going through and reading the memories. And we felt it was a way to really include everyone in our celebration.
Another awesome way to handle wedding favors is to send everyone home with something delicious to eat. Like a fabulous cupcake in a gorgeous box. Ultra gourmet brownies. Those Jordan Almonds.
Favors don’t have to be expensive to be enjoyed!
The Dress. In my case, I preferred to spend the bulk of our money on our location and catering. I just figured that more people could enjoy their food than my dress.
Yet brides spend crazy amounts of money on their wedding dress! Keeping wedding dress costs under control goes a long way towards keeping your wedding from sucking all the money from your budget.
If you can’t afford Vera Wang, sometimes it is easier (and more stylish!) to take a different tack. For example, you could rock a vintage dress design instead. You can find loads of options and as long as you stay ‘white’ people will assume it’s a wedding dress.
My dress was inspired by a traditional Indian sari. (Kimono anyone?) We made it and chose a very soft blue/white fabric. Not only was it inexpensive and stylish, but it was also extremely flattering for me to wear.
It was no stress – no fittings, no dieting, no problem when I turned the iron on too high and sizzled a hole right out of it – and it was 100% unique.
The Minister. I guess I really should say ‘officiant’ but regardless, whoever is marrying you should not be an afterthought. Most wedding articles mention the dress and the favors and the rings, but few take the time to highlight just how important your officiant is.
Consider that the officiant really sets the tone for your wedding, despite how much money you spend.
So we didn’t skimp when it came to getting the right person and ended up flying Rev. Charline in from Miami. She had been my minister since I was 12 years old and I have always known that I wanted her to be my officiant. Not only had she been one of my first spiritual teachers, she really ‘got’ what my wedding was about and worked with us to create something special.
Rev. Charline Manuel
In fact, I never thought for a second I would be one of those women who cried at their wedding, but she totally got me.
6 comments
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June 30, 2009 at 7:40 pm
positivelypresent
These are great tips! I’m going to pass them along to my sister who is in full-blown wedding planning mode.
hayden tompkins says:
Her head is probably going to explode!
June 30, 2009 at 10:27 pm
mssc54
I’ve told each of our three biological daughters that I want them to have a beautiful wedding. However, I am absolutely NOT interested in participating in the “Wedding Industry.” There are people who wake up every day and go to work trying to figure out how to make you spend more money than you need to on your wedding.
For instance, I learned when our first daughter got married that wedding gowns are much like automobiles. When January rolls around the previous years can be had for about 10% of their original cost. So the $3,500.00 gown was only $350 plus alterations.
We had the wedding in a church that also had a large fellowship hall and all the food was brought by friends and family. Also I am friends with a flower wholesaler.
Finally, if your “friends” don’t want to come to your wedding because the reception is at the church fellowship hall and you aren’t going to be serving alcohol then that tells you what kind of a friend they really are. You need to figure that out before they start causing problems in your marriage.
hayden tompkins says:
That is very true. And I am never more in awe of the way a family CAN come together as when I see a wedding.
July 1, 2009 at 9:23 am
janice
My daughter’s too young to marry yet and I’m too old but I just knew from the title that I would love this piece (and the comments) and want to pass it on. Your personality comes out so much in your writing that I was sad by the end of reading it that I hadn’t been at the bloomin’ wedding! (I will attempt to stumble and tweet after I publish this. I’m getting better at remembering I can now that I joined.)
These are fantastic points except the drink part, which made me twitch. Some weddings I’ve been to, usually the ones where the poor bride and groom were forced to have every estranged member of both families there, have only been made bearable by a glass or two of something sparkly! I’ve been to more Greek weddings than British ones and the drink has been soaked up by the feasting just made the dancing and plate breaking more fun! But having said that, I would never be able to pay what Greek families traditionally fork out for weddings.)
I remember your dress from another post. It was stunning. And the favours idea is fantastic. Our kids were baptised in Greece, and I made the almond favours with layers of red and green tulle tied with a red, green and gold tartan ribbon and a teeny wee red rose twisted into the bow. Cheap, loads of fun and very Scottish!
Thanks, Hayden – I loved this. Never know what I’m going to find over here. Best wishes to Chris and family.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you!
Alcoholism is pretty rampant in my family and many of our family friends are recovering alcoholics. I find it is just best to avoid alcohol altogether, especially since it can bring the worst out in people. (And it is REALLY not cheap. Good heavens, you would not believe those prices!)
July 1, 2009 at 11:27 pm
nasser
These are so usefull tips. I hope many young see it and take it seriously.
Thanks
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you!
July 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Pace
Thanks, Hayden! Kyeli and I are planning our wedding (this November!) and a couple of these tips might help a lot! (:
hayden tompkins says:
Oh, CONGRATULATIONS!!! It’s going to be lovely.
July 6, 2009 at 3:09 pm
marlajayne
Again, how did you get so smart in such short (relatively speaking) life???
It never ceases to amaze me how brides can get so UPSET over trifling things (black eyed susans vs. daisies) or think nothing about the huge expense that many weddings entail. When the electric bill, rent, or insurance is due, then they might wish they’d worried a bit less on the favors and alcohol. I love your idea about the cubic zirconia, especially the significance behind it.
hayden tompkins says:
(Believe me, I’ve had my eye on some of those Ziamond rings for a while…some of them are downright exquisite!)
If we could shift our society from a “wedding culture” to a “marriage culture”…well, every little bit helps.