by Cynthia Bourgealt for GOOP

The chief culprit here – and it’s SO hard to spot – is actually idolatry.

Idolatry???

Please, I’m not talking here about worshiping statues or anything literal like that. I’m also not about to launch the standard rant against the commercialism that inevitably creeps into the holiday season; that’s just the convenient scapegoat. Idolatry in its real sense means trying to project the weight of our deepest spiritual desiring onto a finite object, and that’s the real place where many of us get into trouble.

As human beings, we all hunger for the infinite, and the holiday season is so powerful because it evokes our deepest idealism.

We long for love to be real, for generosity, good will and peace to reign on earth. We long for our relationships to be full and whole. And so we inevitably try to make our family holiday celebrations into perfect mirrors of this yearning. We want it all to be perfect – the gifts perfect, the decorations perfect, the festival meal exquisite, the sense of warmth and goodness palpable.

But the human objects can’t absorb the immensity of this desiring and they crumble under the weight of our unstated expectations. Attachment and sentimentality, those two telltale fragrances of idolatry, creep into the mix like poison in the punchbowl and instead of the perfection we yearn for, we wind up unleashing its caricature.

There are really only two cures for this vicious circle, and they both require spiritual courage and a willingness to buck the cultural tide.

The first is to take time to be alone and to “own” that hunger for what it really is: my own tiny piece of that vast human yearning for the infinite. It’s not so much a matter of “keep Christ in Christmas” as “Keep SPACE in Christmas” – space to think and feel deeply from inside one’s own skin.

A meditation retreat or quiet day are great ways to enter the season if your life circumstances will allow it, but even a walk around the block by yourself, deeply breathing in the fact that YOU exist, down here in a tiny corner of this vast, starry universe, will go a long way toward restoring perspective and balance.

The second is to realize the scale of the thing. The holiday season is, by nature, a COLLECTIVE recognition of those deep-down spiritual hungers that move in the souls of all human beings and bind us together as a single human family. Thus, to try to celebrate the holiday focused exclusively on your own nuclear family is inherently an unstable strategy. It’s like trying to cram a whale into a goldfish bowl; no wonder the bowl shatters.

To the extent that you and your loved ones can make a commitment to go beyond your own “tribal” boundaries this season, making a deliberate effort to reach out to others, to “strangers,” your celebration will find greater meaning and stability.

As you are able to include within the circle of your holiday celebration the homeless, the hungry, the stranger, the concerns that hang so heavily in our world this year, your idealism will move beyond idolatry and touch the hem of that beauty and Oneness that really IS there, at the root of all the misplaced energy.