Dear 12 year-old me,
Stop lying to the cops for your dad. It’s stupid. So what if he’ll be mad and try to hurt you again. He does that anyway. Stop covering for him because it only means that you’ll have to stay there longer. (Also, never move in with your mother. Ever.)
I know that you hate your brother right now, but I can assure you that one day you will not. You will actually come to care for him. (Try not to throw up at the thought.) Anyway, no matter how much you love him, never ever never cosign his student loan. For that matter, don’t cosign anything for him.
Never go after a boy.
If you can’t entice him to come to you, he isn’t worth it. Yes, he’s still a great person and possibly a good friend, but you can’t fix someone else’s sense of self-worth. And, in the process, your self-esteem will go down the tubes. Entice but never pursue.
Stop telling people you want to be an attorney. You don’t.
I know nobody bothered to tell you this, but you are half-Chicano. That means that your backside is genetic. It also means that you should stay far away from carbs. What is a carb? Anything that is delicious. Sorry, babygirl, you’ll have to trust me on this one.
Finally, and you’re going to think I am insane, but you are beautiful. Even more so when you smile. Even more so when you are happy. And when you are adorable, no one can resist you. You’ll get more stuff done by being adorable.
Being beautiful doesn’t mean that everyone wants you or is physically attracted to you. It means they are attracted to you; your spirit, your soul. Think of your body as a stained glass window. When you hate yourself, you’ve turned off the light. No one can see you. But when you love? Your light shines forth. You are exquisite. Your beauty is your light, not the colors or shape of your window.
Most of this letter won’t make sense to you now. Keep it with you anyway. Read it everyday if you have to. Remember. You are love. Express yourself.
Sunshine and rainbows,
You, but older 
14 comments
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November 26, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Squawkfox
Dear 12-year-old me,
You will never grow boobs.
You will always be a nerd.
The media is full of s$it.
You will be loved.
hayden tompkins says:
So, in essence:
Dear 12 year old me,
You will always rock.
Love, Squawky
November 26, 2008 at 6:18 pm
connie
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
hayden tompkins says:
November 26, 2008 at 8:24 pm
daffy
Well I thought this was just really great to read.
You’ve come along way baby!
Oh and Happy Turkey day for tomorrow.
hayden tompkins says:
Thanks, Daff!!
November 26, 2008 at 10:23 pm
mssc54
Wow, you sure were a smart 12 year old.
Poor Squawkfox… (seems like she puts too much value in upper torso fatty tissue).
I think most 12 year olds are like pet dogs. They do things to please their “master” because the “master” is all they know.
I had no idea that “chicono’s” had rotund posteriors!
hayden tompkins says:
Oh boy…
November 26, 2008 at 10:25 pm
mssc54
Oh! I meant to ask you…
Since your “half chicono” does that mean only one cheek is large while the other is regular size?
That must make finding a proper fitting swim suit difficult!
hayden tompkins says:
I was wondering when the other shoe would drop!
November 26, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Pace
This is really beautiful, Hayden.
Anything I think of to tell my twelve-year-old self, I wouldn’t have believed anyway. (:
hayden tompkins says:
That is SO true, Pace.
November 26, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Tara
“Think of your body as a stained glass window. When you hate yourself, you’ve turned off the light. No one can see you. But when you love? Your light shines forth. You are exquisite. Your beauty is your light, not the colors or shape of your window.”
Wow, this is awesome. I love this idea.
hayden tompkins says:
November 26, 2008 at 11:57 pm
curlywurlygurly
12-year-old you would have rolled your eyes at this even though it is so true.
the beauty of life is that we learn through experiences–bad and good–and (hopefully) change (for the better).
wishing you and chris a relaxing and happy thanksgiving.
hayden tompkins says:
Yes, yes, and you too!
November 27, 2008 at 3:21 am
marlajayne
Keep that light shining! Your beautiful posts add illumination to all of our lives. Oh, and I love the recommendation to entice but not pursue, and I wish more young women would abide by that.
hayden tompkins says:
It’s supposed to make us feel liberated, I guess, but it never worked that way for me.
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 29, 2008 at 12:14 am
Rachel
“Never go after a boy.
If you can’t entice him to come to you, he isn’t worth it. Yes, he’s still a great person and possibly a good friend, but you can’t fix someone else’s sense of self-worth. And, in the process, your self-esteem will go down the tubes. Entice but never pursue.”
You may have just changed my life. Thank you so much. I wish I had a big sister to tell me these things when I was 12, but better late than never!
Have a wonderful holiday season!
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you!
One of the things that is saddest about ‘women’s lib’ is how it has contributed to more women letting men use them like sexual ATMs because they think that’s what being a modern woman means. So let ‘em chase you, gf! You are worth it.
November 29, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Robert
Bravo, Hayden, beautiful post, honest, inspiring. Got my mind going. I would have been able to save myself from so much pain and confusion, writing this sort of letter.. But then again, this very suffering made me who and what I am, meaning that have I not gone through that in the first place, I would have nothing to write about or draw my advices from… So, I guess, there’s no way around it.
But still, really really loved this post.
hayden tompkins says:
Well, at least we don’t have to remake those mistakes again! Once is enough on some of these, LOL.
November 30, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Writer Dad
I really liked this one, Hayden. We should all write letters to our younger selves. It’s only too bad that they can never be delivered.
hayden tompkins says:
That’s true. I guess my consolation is that perhaps someone will read this and think again about cosigning a loan or killing themselves to get someone.
December 1, 2008 at 2:56 pm
SanityFound
Beautifully done, isn’t it incredible what we find when we look back in order to look forward and realise the present in its fullest extent? You really are a beautiful human with so much to give to this world, I am proud to “know” you! :hugs:
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you thank you thank you, Sanityfound!
December 8, 2008 at 6:47 am
Rachel
@Writer Dad
yes, it’s too bad we can’t actually deliver those letters to our younger-selves, but aren’t we all gawky 12- or 13-year-olds on the inside? Writing the letters so we can read them now (and later) can be just as cathartic as I imagine it would be to give the advice to ourselves as children would be.