Pray for patience and the universe will give you more opportunities to be  patient.  Pray for love and a higher consciousness in the world and the universe will present you with opportunities to be love and express that higher consciousness.

Yesterday, I was given that opportunity and I failed.

It was a doozy, folks.  I made a comment in response to a guest post at Writer Dad and was blasted by the author, Rita.  Here is the exchange.

“6.  “We are a community.” 

It is true – we are, in many ways, a community.  Like a High School class is a community.  I bought into that game in blogging, and sold too much of myself for a piece of the action; for just as we are a community, we are also competitors. 

Bloggers want to be “A+” bloggers, and the way to do that is to insulate yourself so much that the same group of bloggers read and comment with the same group of bloggers.  Read the names of the top 10 commenters on the blogs you visit; chances are, most are the same.  Bloggers WANT to be seen with the “big blogs” so that, in many cases, the others on the “big blog” lists will come to them.  Community or competition?”

-Excerpt from entry

Hayden Tompkins: 

“The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead.”

LMAO!!!! I wouldn’t have attended my graduation if my mom hadn’t ambushed me by flying in from Texas. [sigh]

SOOOO. About the ‘popular crowd’. The ‘cool kids’. I did not get this memo. What gives? Who is in it? I’m probably the loner in the corner wearing all black and scribbling in her notebook. Viva le artiste!

Rita:

Other than throwing a few of my words back at me, I have NO idea what you’re talking about – or why you commented…sorry.

Hayden:

Er.

Well, I found amusement in your graduation story. Shared mine. Then asked a question about your point number 6. The[n] made a goofy comment.

So…er, I guess I won’t be commenting on anything you write.

Rita:

I don’t believe that Writer Dad disagrees with many commenters. I am not Writer Dad. I went back and re-read your post. It addressed none of the issues in my blog – except for an introductory paragraph. Your “question on #6″ was incomprehensible to me.

And your second attempt to “clarify” only brought more attention to self-aggrandizement than any point mentioned in the blog. Hence, you and I are in total agreement: you won’t be commenting on anything I write. Somehow I don’t think that will cause me a moment’s of lost sleep.

Writer Dad:

Hayden was being playful with you, as is her nature.

LMAO stands for laughing my ass off. She thought it was funny that you didn’t want to go to your graduation, and then related a story of her own. She too didn’t want attend her graduation, and wouldn’t had she not been ambushed by her mom. The second part of her comment is her saying that she doesn’t even know who is in the popular crowd because she’s off in her corner doing her own thing. This is in line with you saying you’re finding interesting people to sit with.

Rita:

@ Writer Dad:

I know that LMAO means. I know what LMAOAPOTF means. I know what BRB means. I also know what LMAOACFI means. I don’t need translations, thanks. This is your blog, and for that reason only do I apologize – to you – for upsetting one of your readers.

Hayden wrote the type of comment that I didn’t find contributed to much of the conversation, and then came back and did the same. These are the types of “comments” that I, personally, find pointless. They are self-aggrandizing. So, given that I’ve been “socializing” on the computer just a few more years than you have, here’s one for you: CYB!

Writer Dad:

I only know the first one. None of the others. Hayden’s comment made me laugh, and that was enough of a contribution for me. Apologies aren’t necessary. Good communication is about discovering what makes others tick.

Rita:

@ WRITER DAD and Everyone,
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you today. Whether you agree or disagree, I have found this to be an incredibly positive experience., with an excellent comment thread. Writer Dad, I “heart” you as well; clearly, so do your readers. Thank you for opening your blog – and your heart to me.
To everyone: Namaste.
Rita

Dave Fowler:

Rita, I’ve got to tell you I’m disappointed at the stance you’ve taken here. Not in your article but in your response to comments. You’ve set out the rules for engaging Rita and the bar is set pretty high – many people won’t be able to reach it on a consistent basis and by default they’ll be excluded.

It’s back to High School again.

You can be a prickly character Rita and that is some of your appeal without a doubt, but I didn’t like the way you were so dismissive of Hayden, it was totally unnecessary and I think you should have taken the time to understand. If you really didn’t care for what was said, you could have overlooked it.

Now I’ve seen enough death and misery to last me a lifetime which is why I often adopt a light-hearted way to express myself. So I like the people who chip in with something short and sweet. They show their support by their presence. Some people reach out for the first time by saying ‘great stuff’ or ‘love your website’, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re spammers. Why can’t they be given the benefit of the doubt?

If I was at a party and someone said, “Hi, that’s a great shirt you’re wearing.” I wouldn’t ignore them because they had nothing of substance to say, and I certainly would admonish them for having the ‘nerve’ to speak to me.

If people aren’t overtly destructive, what does it really matter? And yes, sometimes people forget, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes people over commit for all the right reasons and just end up getting it wrong. It’s not the end of the world.

Like you, I’m not particularly fond of reading bad grammar or poor spelling, but as I’m far from perfect I do try to look past it and enjoy the message.

I’m sorry but I didn’t enjoy this exchange.

Rita, I enjoy what you write, I enjoy your wit, your dry sense of humour. I enjoy the fact that you are intellectually my superior but I don’t always enjoy the way you ‘speak’ to people.

Sorry to put a dampener on things but it was important to me to say this.

I hope you understand.

All the best, Dave.

Blogger Dad:

Dave Fowler – Well said. I, too, was surprised by Rita’s comments to Hayden, who is among the top commenters on this site. I believe that Writer Dad responded well by taking the time to attempt to explain the situation to Rita on the off chance that she misinterpreted Hayden’s intent.

I’ve seen many a misunderstandings start small and blow up (sort of like high school drama, eh?) and I firmly believe that all problems between people can be resolved through discussion. Writer Dad’s comment allowed Rita both a chance to retract her comment and to save face, after having had some time to think about it. More surprisingly, Rita turned down the opportunity and instead took a second unwarranted shot at Hayden.

I know Rita via our blogs and our brief collaboration, I respect Rita, and I like Rita. I don’t know Hayden at all, but I’m with Dave on this one. I hope that Rita hasn’t scared Hayden or others from leaving comments in this community which has handles past controversy in a very thoughtful manner with respect on all sides.

Rita:

@ Dave and Writer Dad,

Thank you for your opinions – they were well stated, and taught me something about myself. I have been thinking about this situation all night. Yes, I was too rough on Hayden, a woman I don’t know – and I apologize to everyone who was offended.

“Sensitivity” is not my strong suit at times. If I had to do it again, here is what I would do: I would have kept my first comment in place, as I had NO idea what Hayden was talking about. And I should have just IGNORED the second comment- something I am loathe to do. But yes, admonishing somebody CAN be hurtful – and I did not mean my remarks to be hurtful, but to make a point.

I don’t know Hayden. I apologize if I “hurt” Hayden. And I will say it straight out: Hayden, I am sorry.
That being said, I went through the entire comment thread a number of times. I would say that I agreed with, or comlimented well over 95% of commenters. I disagreed with two. I don’t necessarily agree that that shows a lack of respect. The point of the blog was mani-fold, but clearly a large issue was on “leaving comments.” Since you know Hayden, as does Writer Dad, I missed the “sense of humor” in her comments. I still do. You both know that I can be as “silly” as the next person. Hayden’s comments were totally lost on me.

I apologize for offending. Dave, I am far from your “intellectual superior,” and that is a label I will not be pasted with – even in jest. And Blogger Dad, my “second shot” was more toward Writer Dad than toward Hayden. He and I have discussed it, moved on and made peace. What I should NOT have done is USE Hayden to take that shot at Writer Dad on his own blog. However, it is not the first shot I have taken at him – nor do I expect it will be the last. As Sean exlained in his introduction, we DO disagree at times – and we learn and move on – and we have.

I hope that the two of you will be able to do the same as well. I should have remained silent on the second comment. Often, as I have said, silence speaks louder than words. THAT is the error that I regret, and hope that I can be forgiven for.

Dave Fowler:

Hi Rita,

I hadn’t expected you to come back with this and I imagined I’d be off your Christmas card list forever. I underestimated you and I’m sorry for that.

I didn’t mean to patronise you with my remark about being ‘intellectually superior’, nor did I intend to belittle myself. I didn’t express myself very well.

You’re clearly educated and intelligent (although I base that predominantly on assumption rather than direct knowledge) and I’ve found over the years that it can be quite daunting to hold a conversation with someone who has a keen mind and an articulate expression. I have also been witness to plenty of intellectual snobbery throughout my life and I was worried that you had no time for those less able (or less willing) to engage in cerebral chess matches.

And, Hayden, none of what I say here is aimed at you, I’m speaking merely in general terms now. )

Rita, I honestly believe we can move on, and happily too.

I bear no grudge or resentment. On the contrary I admire you for being willing to re-examine your position and thinking. Were more people able to do the same, the world would doubtless be a better place.

Thanks Rita, you’ve made me smile again – as you often do.

Hayden Tompkins:

@Rita

You’ve never been to my blog, that I am aware, and so I know you have no idea about ‘what I’m about’.

The cliff’s note version is that I focus on love and community, facing negativity with the courage to be as fully loving as possible. Yesterday, I failed.

My initial response was “Who the hell does she think she is?” But, because I deeply respect Sean, I would never have written that. But I was apalled at the tone of your responses to anyone’s comment that YOU thought ‘didn’t measure up’.

And then when you closed with “I have found this to be an incredibly positive experience…Thank you for opening your blog – and your heart to me. To everyone: Namaste.” I almost had a heart attack. Did you not even notice the vitriol you were spewing??

But as I read your comments, I realized that something very specific about my comment had ticked you off – your perception of my ’self-aggrandizing’. That was what put your feathers up.

So, Rita. I don’t know what your story is, or why you are so sensitive to perceived intellectual inferiority or self-aggrandizing behavior, but it doesn’t matter. I am going to tell you what I should have told you yesterday.

Dear Rita, I was only trying to share in response to what you had shared. I didn’t understand that you didn’t want the bloggers version of ’support’, rather an analysis of your points.

Also, I really don’t know who the cool kids are and in which ‘area’ these kids are. An example or two would be awesome.

Now, personally, my high school years were horrible. I was friends with every group but I was always, always an outsider. How can you relate to people who are going through ‘regular stuff’ when you are coming home to abuse everynight? When your father tries to kill you and you end up in a foster home.

Dear Rita, I was not trying to be ’self-important’. I was attempting to make light of a very painful time in my life. A time when I cared nothing for the ‘cool crowd’ and only for the people, my stalwart friends, who were there for me in spite of everything.

Friends, Rita, to me are everything. Friends like Writer Dad who are so unstintingly supportive and loving. We are nothing if not for our friends.

And so, I’ll say thank you. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to ‘practice what I preach’. Love in the face of negativity. Just when I think I have learned that lesson, I get a chance to be the change I want to see in the world.

To you,
Namaste

P.S. Writer Dad, Dave Fowler, and Blogger Dad – From the bottom of my heart, thank you.