“All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.” -Edmund Burke
It’s amazing how much you can learn about someone, who they are, from what you experience of them online. Yet how you do anything is how you do everything, even on the internet.
The truth of someone’s being – their life, their personality, their likes and dislikes – does not sock you in the face upon your first imeeting but is rather revealed; a mystery unfolded over time. Almost as if the catalogue of our activities, the preference of our politics, the face in the mirror are hiding our truest selves.
Through this digital venue we only have to reveal as much of our ’selves’ as we choose. When I first started, I didn’t even reveal my gender and it wasn’t until recently that I even posted a photograph. Yet, even with the lack of information, I couldn’t help revealing my soul.
It has been fascinating, this discovery of your respective ’selves’, all but in one instance.
The more I learned about the writer of SanityFound, the more troubled I was. Over the weeks and months, little pieces of her existence were laid bare, for but a moment. Yet her humor, her good nature, her rampant positivity made me doubt what I had read. Could it possibly be that bad?
The divulgement of her story was excruciatingly slow, but no less dramatic for the time elapsed.
Her mother was the only parent in the picture and, clearly, was not a stable women. When SanityFound was 14, her mother just left the country (South Africa), leaving her to care for her 7 year-old brother.
She didn’t find out this important piece of information from her mother. Rather it was the administrators of the boarding school she attended who told her. Still they managed to eek out a meager existence on the weekends…until her mother decided she needed some money. Still out of the country, SanityFound’s mother sold the home out from under her. When she protested, SanityFound was confounded by the ‘just suck it up and stop whining’ attitude her mother had.
So she was homeless. When times were good, she stayed at the homes of her friends, fending off advances from their fathers. When times were bad, she slept in public toilets. She scrambled to do anything she could to ‘earn’ her way, since she felt completely guilty about accepting the kindness of others.
Using this hard-scrabble work ethic, she became a Jack-of-all-trades. She knew a lot about a lot, and figured that which such a variety of skills she would never be disposable again.
Never again would she ever have to live off the gifts of strangers. Never again would she have to live at the whims of another. Never again would she be in a position where her choices were completely circumscribed by others. She vowed, never again, to feel so worthless.
The exigencies of life, however, threw her back into her mother’s lap.
Though SanityFound had grown into a self-sufficient woman, a woman who escaped the land of her birth, a woman who was (strangly) completely happy as a recruitment agent – her temporary work visa expired and she was disposed of yet again. 9/11 didn’t just affect us in America, the effects of that act of terrorism reverberated throughout the globe. In a post-9/11 world, South Africans were all suspect and so was she sent back.
Back to a place where a more subtle, insidious form of reverse apartheid is being practiced and being white, she was on the wrong side of the ‘color’ divide.
SanityFound’s mother has little changed from the days of her youth. She is still unstable, now coupled with a physically and emotionally abusive man. When SanityFound isn’t trying to conform to the outlandish rules and directives of this monster, when she isn’t trying to sidestep his sexual advances, when she isn’t trying to make herself invisible so that no one will continue the constant barrage of negativity – she is being held emotionally hostage by a mother who threatens to commit suicide if SanityFound isn’t suitably compliant.
She was trapped, emotionally and physically. It was emotionally draining simply to see the barest glimmer of this situation, much less live it. Yet SanityFound managed to buoy her confidence and rally her emotional defenses. When she isn’t posting jokes or inspirational songs, she tells funny stories. She doesn’t dwell on the tragedy of her life, but the divine spark that is life. Instead of closing in the face of this torture, she has opened her heart even further – expressing gratitude that the life she lives is a blessing compared to the dangerous existence of her good friends in Zimbabwe.
It isn’t through living hopefully in positive circumstances that is important, it is maintaining a life affirming outlook even in the depths of overpowering anguish.
And never, thankfully, has she been alone. Thanks to the power of the online community, she has met people who have emotionally sustained her courage. People who have befriended her as she has befriended others. People who, on July 27th, asked for help on SanityFound’s behalf.
Amber didn’t need to be asked or convinced to help a woman who lives on a completely different continent. Amber, a woman who suffers from an extremely debilitating disease, looked past her own substantial pain to try to heal the wounds of another. Two of the most amazing women I have ever ‘met’ are supporting each other in the most incredible ways possible.
This online family is a ‘weird’ little family. Especially since it is this online family that managed to raise enough money for a plane ticket to England, something her ‘real’ family couldn’t care less about.
The biggest challenge through this all, strangely, has not been her incredible forbearance, but her extreme aversion to accepting help of any kind. To look out on the sea of humanity with such hope, even with depravity and malevolence at your side, can it be any wonder that part of this sea looks back in kind?

Created by SanityFound
To find out more about these incredible people, go here.





22 comments
Comments feed for this article
August 21, 2008 at 5:19 pm
daffy
It’s hard to comprehend the difficulties and yet it’s humbling to know that they overcame.
hayden tompkins says:
Do you find it weird that she is working so hard to come to a country you live in? I am always amazed at what people go through to come to the U.S.
August 21, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Writer Dad
Hayden,
Thank you for giving me two new roads to travel.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It is well over the length of my typical article.
August 21, 2008 at 5:27 pm
froggywoogie
Wow, thanks to you I get to know a little bit more about her since I discovered both yours and her blog the same day only about four weeks ago. It was obvious something terrible was hidden behind her great personality.
Thank you for opening our eyes. You have expressed it the best way it could have been done
hayden tompkins says:
Has it only been four weeks??
August 21, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Lindsey
SF is a truly inspiring woman. I can’t wait to hear about her life when she breaks free.
hayden tompkins says:
No kidding.
August 21, 2008 at 6:55 pm
vanessaleighsblog
Hayden:
I have voyeured here for some time, but must say that this post is tremendously powerful, even though I have known bits and pieces at a time, to read it like this story only solidifies the impact it has had on her, yet her resilience is solid, yet fragile at the same time. It is so humbling and heartwarming to know of all that was coordinated on her behalf, to get to her a safer and more loving place for herself…….
Thanks for writing this and being there for her……
hayden tompkins says:
Believe me, it was my pleasure. I was terrified she’d say “no”. Thank you for coming back post and post.
August 21, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Writer Dad
My pleasure. It has been one of the best parts of my day so far.
August 21, 2008 at 7:12 pm
SanityFound
Floored, honoured, floored, laughing and stunned. I have rewritten this comment close on 125.5 times and still I sit here and now it is 126.7.
Pray tell how on earth did you find so much to say about me and my adventures? LMAO @ recruitment ah I will have to write a post about that one.
In reality all I can say is thank you. I smile, laugh and dance in the rain because there are people like you in the world fighting to make it a better place, people who care and who are just plain amazing. The daisy chain of inspiration, ubuntu, I am because you are. I am nothing special, I merely am, I am nothing without any of you.
Ok I’m going to press submit now before it becomes 130 (what’s sadder: The fact that I rewrote this comment that many times or the fact that I counted?)
hayden tompkins says:
I was so hoping that was hyperbole. Still.
You are special, at least, I think so. When I think of how many people use their circumstances as an excuse for bad behavior, for theft, for killing… I think that your response – the way you have chosen to live your life – is extraordinary, exceptional, and ’surpassing what is common’.
August 21, 2008 at 7:29 pm
SanityFound
PS I am still getting my head around what you guys did, I am sure that tomorrow I will wake up and find myself in hospital after suffering a coma. Thank you everything, you are just plain awesome! My life will never be the same again!
August 21, 2008 at 7:45 pm
froggywoogie
Only four weeks yes but it seems to be longer because this time has been fully fed and fueled thanks to you, Sanity and the blog neighbours
August 21, 2008 at 8:19 pm
mssc54
hayden; your ability to inspire is incredible.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you.
August 21, 2008 at 8:35 pm
cordieb
Beautiful words PI – and so true. SanityFound is truly an inspiration to anyone who finds themselves in dire situations of life; and an inspiration even for those who seemingly have it all. She holds no anomosity; she spead’s joy all the time; she is a friend to the end who checks in on us when we are down; dispite her situation. Thanks for writing this PI and for the inspiration you, yourself so often bring to our family. Peace, Light and Love to you and yours. . . . CordieB.
PS. I suppose since you’ve posted your pic; I can no longer call you Persistent Illusion (PI). But since you were only the second person to comment on my blog and I’ve so fondly gotten to “know” you as PI, it’ll be hard to stop. Thanks for the love you’ve shown me over the months . . . it means more to me than you know and has helped me grow stronger and find more clarity (my 2008 word to become – remember that one! ). Again, PLL, UBUMTU!
hayden tompkins says:
The second? Really? That’s incredible. I got to read your incredible poetry before everyone else!
UMBUMTU!
August 21, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Amber
I am speechless. Thank you from my soul. Im honored and shocked. Thank you for your love and your friendship. I can’t wait to give you a hug in NC next week! Yay!
hayden tompkins says:
Wait, don’t say that! Someone might think I ’sold out’ for hugs.
It’s not a bad idea, actually. Will blog for hugs!
August 21, 2008 at 8:49 pm
thedailydish
WOW what a story. I’ve seen SanityFound’s comments on your blog for a long time, but never knew anything about her personally. I will have to read the details when I am free. Here’s to friendship and the strength of the human spirit!
Best of luck to you all.
hayden tompkins says:
Here’s to inspirational women raising the next generation!
August 21, 2008 at 9:11 pm
spy789
You know what; it’s so sad that we live in such a screwed up society today. I’m not as educated as you are on the topic, but I know enough that so many people are facing hardship everyday around the world… What was that first picture? A concentration camp? My neighbor is from the famous photo of the guys standing by their beds…
hayden tompkins says:
I agree, that’s why good people should never stand by and do nothing. Have you ever read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl? It’s a book written by someone who survived a concentration camp. It’s incredible, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.
Your neighbor sounds pretty lucky to have someone so socially aware living next door!
August 21, 2008 at 9:49 pm
SanityFound
Oooo oh oh Amber one from me as well … it’s corny I know but you’re getting one from SA now special delivery and all!
hayden tompkins says:
Woohoo, special delivery!!
August 22, 2008 at 4:04 am
Amber
LOL @ Will blog for hugs… ok which one of us bright sparks is gonna use that as a topic huh? Gotta love it…!!!!
hayden tompkins says:
I say you go for it!
August 22, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Kip de Moll
Arlo Gutherie did a skit on how we’re always told to not feel bad, there’s always somebody who has it worse, but he wanted to know about the “Last Guy”, the guy at the end of the line who really did have “it” worse than anybody else.
One reason I felt moved to publicly tell my story was that in my neighborhood, my friends did tell me I had it pretty bad, but my relentless optimism seemed to always carry the day. I thought maybe my tale could inspire others.
But sure enough, blogging has only shown that there are so many others with harder tales to tell, higher mountains to climb, and people havve surmounted them with incredible grace, fortitude and modesty.
Once again, I am humbled and grateful to relearn the lesson.
hayden tompkins says:
Well, I surely wouldn’t want to be the “Last Guy”. If if you win, you lose!
August 22, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Connie
Wow. I am here…wow…I am amazed and astounded at the human spirit. Hope for future generations is restored when reading about the “younger” crowd and the difference each of you makes! Sending prayers, peace, light and love to each…especially to you Sanity Found!
hayden tompkins says:
Isn’t it amazing? And I sure hope you are counting yourself in this ‘younger crowd’. I’ve seen your photos. I do believe I saw some frolic and some vim and definitely some vigor too!
August 22, 2008 at 7:20 pm
marlajayne
The resilience of the human spirit is so surprisingly strong sometimes…as in the case of SanityFound. I’m definitely going to have to check out this young woman’s blog.
I haven’t thought about Dr. Frankl’s book in a while, and you’ve inspired me to get it off the shelf. One of the things I remember is his revelation that he had absolutely no control over things like when he ate, slept, marched…or anything else. The guards decided everything for him. One day he realized that the only thing he could control were his own thoughts, something these guys couldn’t see or tamper with. I love cognitive psychology and the understanding of just how powerful our thoughts can be in shaping our reality.
LOVE the photo! You’re so cute!
hayden tompkins says:
:hangs head: Now you know my deep dark secret!
You are absolutely right about Viktor Frankl. What he said in that regard was a big revelation for me. I realized that so much of the pain in my life came from fighting the things I could not change. I’ve gotten that message in several ways over the years – including from the Serenity Prayer. Somebody really wanted me to get that memo!
August 23, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Return To Manliness Roundup: Cuban TaeKwonDo Fighter Loses His Mind Edition | Return To Manliness
[...] A World Of Hope. (@Persistent Illusion) Hayden writes a fantastic blog about a very timely theme in this election year, hope. This article dives into a story from another blogger named SanityFound (and her tales of her mother). A very good read since Hayden is such a good writer. [...]
September 16, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Designing Your Dream « Persistent Illusion
[...] learned of SanityFound’s dream of escaping the horrid conditions of South Africa and abuse at the hands of one with whom she should be safe. [...]
December 24, 2008 at 3:49 am
Recent Links Tagged With "stable" - JabberTags
[...] by senacesweb on Sat 20-12-2008 unstable, stable Saved by MelodyxKenny94 on Tue 16-12-2008 A World of Hope Saved by iMediaWorks on Tue 09-12-2008 One False Step Made Me Fall Saved by ronronnienie on Sat [...]