I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know this…there are no accidents.
One reason why I am convinced that we, each one of us, have a purpose is my relationship with Chris. Before I met – and married – my Beloved, I felt like a romantically ill-fitting puzzle piece; like I was a fraud and didn’t belong. I wondered if people would figure this out at some point. Though I was a chameleon, I blended in, but never fit in.
Then I met Chris.
Every kink in my nature, every preference – even our personalities! – everything was incredibly well-matched. For example, as you all know, I love to dance. I have always loved to dance. But I don’t like dancing ‘with’ people. Sure we can dance in the general vicinity of each other, but I have never been interested in couples dancing. It just isn’t my thing. Chris? This is a man who doesn’t like to dance, but loves to go out and watch people dance. Seriously. Seriously.
Then when I came to a place of forgiveness towards my father. I absolutely, completely 100% was able to forgive him. Why? He did some very awful things to us. How could I possibly forgive that? Part of the reason was that he was the absolute perfect parent I needed. His positive and negative attributes were so insanely perfect to help me become the person I am today…the person I am in the process of becoming.
Through his untempered rage, I forged my will. Through his love of music, my universe included the strength of the intangible. There is a world beyond what we can see and touch; a world that is expressed and expanded through how we feel and communicate with each other. Without rain, I could have no rainbow.
As I look back on the events in my life – the people I have met, the mistakes I have made, the dreams I have chased – they all form this incredible tapestry, a map. It all makes sense…because there are no accidents.
Right now there is someone, right now, who is reading this blog. For whatever random reason this person is here, right now, reading this. This person wants to escape, wants to change their life, wants to effect a metamorphosis. Did they click through a WordPress tag? Find me through a comment I made somewhere? Through the blogroll of a friend?
Whatever the reason – it is no accident you are here. Freedom is at your fingertips. You are the person you are supposed to be, in the place where you are supposed to be. The place? A cusp, the brink, the raggedy edge…
Right now you are surrounded by flames and you feel like you might be consumed - but don’t begrudge the fire in your life. It is transformative, cleansing, catalytic.
It is the fire from which a pheonix is born.
You can either go through your life collecting baggage, weighing yourself down, or you can go through the fires of these horrible experiences. You can let the inferno purify your being. Allow these experience to test your mettle and reveal your brilliance.
Like gold, it is not through stasis but heat and fire that you shed impurities and grow ever brighter, ever more beautiful.
Like gold you are flexible, are malleable; you can be made to reveal the beauty in others or you can be made to travel the stars. Whoever you are, whatever reason you are here, regardless of whether you come back – my message to you is that this shall not last. You are not alone. Your life is perfect, you are perfect, and you are perfectly ready for this change.
Be brave. Go boldly into that dark unknowing-ness. And do it in love. Because, like the purest gold, you are luminous and esteemed.
12 comments
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August 18, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Writer Dad
I really like what you said about your father being the perfect parent to shape you into who you are now and who you’re going to be. This is the way I feel about my own parents. They are far from perfect, but they gave me a template to take the best and leave the worst. It is by their example, for better and worse, that I can now do make the best decisions.
hayden tompkins says:
It’s amazing how much of who we are is shaped by who our parents are.
August 18, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Kip de Moll
I’ll take the parental theme a little farther by adding that I have held tremendous guilt for the very childish example of parents we have given our children. Bit my son is getting regular messages that his purpose is around healing relationships and the gift of his parents has simply been to be an example of a poor relationship.
He expanded on this himself, when at my father’s “wake” he cited his grandparents as the true example of how love can endure from childhood sweethearts to the brink of death.
And now I have the opportunity to teach him that a man can change his life and redeem himself in the eyes of his children.
Thanks for the great post, Hayden!
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you! Wow, his grandparents were childhood sweethearts? That’s amazing.
August 18, 2008 at 6:05 pm
SanityFound
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read, seriously. Serendipity indeed. You asked me a question earlier, I will answer it there as well but in part here. It is because of my belief in the fact that everything has a purpose, everything has a reason and each person coming in to your life is there just that as well.
Love this post! oo and the photo! Nice to put a face with the words! Good luck with that coffee btw – she is nuts
hayden tompkins says:
There is that saying – people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime – I’ve found it is very true.
August 18, 2008 at 6:18 pm
froggywoogie
Wow that is very deep! I can relate with almost all of what you said there!
I’m speechless.
Splendid!
hayden tompkins says:
August 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Kip de Moll
Hayden, check this out:
http://piecesofheartvt.blogspot.com/2008/01/story-book-romance.html
my first blog entry.
(and all of this will dovetail so nicely with the one I’m writing now).
hayden tompkins says:
AWWWWWW.
August 18, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Night Writer
I could easily launch into one of my patented multi-paragraph comments, but for now I’ll just say that my relationship with my parents, especially my father, became golden when I received the revelation that his decisions – while they may not have been the best were his best.
I was sure he tried to do the best he could for us with what he had, and with what he had grown up with. That took a lot of weight off of both of us.
hayden tompkins says:
Well, since I was dealing with abuse – I have never been a fan of the ‘I did the best I could’ defense, although I may well be using it one day! But, I assure you, I won’t be using it to justify beating my children.
August 18, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Dereck
Hi Hayden. I just wanted to stop in tell you how uplifting this is. Job well done.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you!!
August 18, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Laurie
It is amazing that we can be refined through trial. God doesn’t waste any hurt we have.
hayden tompkins says:
That’s a beautiful way to describe it.
August 18, 2008 at 10:58 pm
mssc54
I don’t believe in coincidences either. I believe that life is Divinely ordered.
However, I remain on the journey of purification.
I think those who we may seem in the spot light of stardom or riches only seem happy in front of the bright lights. Imagine how empty some of them may feel when the lights are off and they are all alone.
Just look at Bret Favre. How many times has he said he would retire. But in the end he could not resist the adulation of the fans.
How sad when a person needs outward circumstances to be whole and happy.
hayden tompkins says:
Is that why he keeps coming back?!? I was so stumped. I though he was bored!
August 19, 2008 at 12:31 am
mssc54
Haha
There is no better example than the obvious. lol
August 19, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Lindsey
Brilliant post. Everything in life, even the bad, can be turned around into something divine if we can simply let go of our egos and perceived needs. I was sexually abused as a child, something that I could allow to make me bitter- justifiably so! But through divine circumstance I have instead allowed it to make me compassionate, forgiving, sympathetic, a good judge of character…
I don’t hate the life I’ve lived, because I needed it to become me. And I like me!
Glad that you’ve found the same truth for yourself. It’s a beautiful thing.
hayden tompkins says:
We like you too!
August 24, 2008 at 9:19 pm
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