As most of you know, I came to the realization that I am ready to get ready to be a parent!
I started looking at daycare and diaper options (do you know there are flushable diaper inserts now?!), I queried the readers about how to be a better mom, and I sat down and talked about it with my husband.
Good thing too, because the #1 tip I get from every person was, “make sure your husband is on board before having children!”
I knew I couldn’t ’surprise’ him like I had done with our kittens. (I saw a chocolate lab puppy who needed a home yesterday, and it took some major willpower to resist!)
So I ‘opened a dialogue’ with him. Yet when were talking, I noticed a certain reticence. Though not exactly jumping on the rah-rah-children bandwagon, he was definitely positive about having children. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…
So I pressed on. I’d bring up the conversation at different times, in different ways. I strategically would steer the conversation toward family (ergo children), budget (ergo budgeting for children), and neat advances in baby technology (ergo technology for our babies). Still the reticence remained.
He was like a low level mafioso refusing to roll on the Boss!
Then one bright summer afternoon, I got him to spill the beans. And boy, were those beans a complete surprise! Apparently, my Beloved had a five year plan. He wanted to enjoy being married for five years before we had children. Also unbeknownst to me, was his planning of a Hawaiian vacation to be taken during that time.
He didn’t get much complaint from me, he knows I can be bribed with chocolate and azure tropical waters, and it certainly seemed reasonable enough. But still…a five year plan that, during our four years together, I had heard absolutely nothing about.
I can’t help but laugh sometimes. No matter how much you talk and communicate with each other, you will never delve deep enough to expose everything. Only the passage of time, the living of life can accomplish what years of talking fail to.





12 comments
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August 8, 2008 at 5:41 pm
The Common Man
We guys are so uncommunicative. What worse is that we know we’re uncommunicative (or at least communicating less than we recognize we should). That said, finding out about things like “the five year plan” or “I’ve always wanted to be the lead singer for a Flock of Seagulls cover band” is what keeps marriage fresh and fun. What else would we have to talk about otherwise?
hayden tompkins says:
Too true!
August 8, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Writer Dad
I’ve been with my wife for ten years now. She’s quite the traveler, and has been on every continent save the frozen one. But she’s also quiet. We work together, play together, and sleep together. Yet every once in a while, she still busts out with something that blows my mind. We’ll be digging into a carton of ice cream after the children are sleeping, fattening our bellies and killing our brain cells with whatever is on TV and she’ll say something like, “This reminds me of the time I was stranded on a fishing boat outside the Philippines and all there was to eat were fish heads, and I just really, really wanted a spoonful of ice cream.” I guess that’s why, even after ten years together, I’m not even a quarter way to bored.
hayden tompkins says:
LMAO! That’s hysterical…and kind of gross! In all seriousness, you guys sound very happy.
August 8, 2008 at 6:56 pm
anonymrs
Gosh I know my husband has those plans too…I wish men knew how to say stuff!!
hayden tompkins says:
Well, you’re one up on me. I had no idea, lol!
August 8, 2008 at 7:17 pm
froggywoogie
“He was like a low level mafioso refusing to roll on the Boss!”. That’s a very long excuse post to tell us you are the boss hehe.
Seriously, You’re right. I don’t know about all the men but I like to plan things that will be cooking inside of me and won’t be released until I’m certain it’s mature enough and the perfect opportunity hasn’t arrived yet.
Silly perhaps but spicy
hayden tompkins says:
LOL! It’s interesting that you point out perfectionistic behavior; Chris definitely is a perfectionist.
August 8, 2008 at 7:19 pm
froggywoogie
Sorry I messed up the last part of my comment after correcting something but I think you got what I meant there.
hayden tompkins says:
August 8, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Connie
Trying to think of a witty comment…oh well. I would def hold out for the Hawaiin vacation! and you get to practice in the meantime.
hayden tompkins says:
Practice? Oh! Nevermind.
August 8, 2008 at 9:19 pm
mssc54
You know I have heard that men don’t like to communicate over and over again through out the years. My bride and I have been “visiting” with our pastor and his wife for a few months now. One of our biggest issues is that she will just not communicate. Me? I want to talk about everything. I think communiction is more of a personality trait.
I will not do a thread hi-jack but when (or if) you post something like “Husbands transitioning to the role of Daddy”…. well make sure you both have the same expectations.
hayden tompkins says:
Someone mentioned it being a personality trait of someone who is a perfectionist. I wonder if that may be the case. Certainly men and women both can be perfectionists!
August 9, 2008 at 12:26 am
thedailydish
This is too funny! Chris, did you THINK Hayden just miiiiiight want to know about that secret 5-yr plan? Just maybe? Just a little?? Nah. That’s what MAKES IT the secret 5-yr plan.
AS FOR THE PLAN.. Brilliant. Enjoy the time you have solo. John & I had too little time together before presto change-o we were PARENTS. Although we’ve made the most of all out rime together, alone & w/ “company” there are times I know we both think “what if…” and esp. when it comes to travel. There is something magical about family trips but there is something HOT about couples-only vacations. Enjoy Hawaii!!!! My best friend from HS lives there w/ her husband. I cannot even imagine that in my wildest dreams. WOW.
Love ya babe!
hayden tompkins says:
LMAO! I read your comment to him. Too funny!
She lives in Hawaii?! Does she really appreciate how awesome that is??
August 9, 2008 at 1:21 am
mssc54
Connie… trying to think of a witty comment? How about this one.
Hayden: “That’s funny honey… I have a secret play too.”
Chris: “Really why don’t you tell me about it?”
Hayden: “I stopped taking my birth control two months ago. Can we still go to Hawii?!”
hayden tompkins says:
HAR. HAR.
August 9, 2008 at 1:25 am
dreemwhrld
I still remember when I was in elementary school, and my mom started taking me to the tanning salon after work with her. She would spend about 45 minutes a day there, telling me it was a present for my dad. She had been planning a trip for his birthday to the Bahamas, and wanted to be tan before they went so she didn’t burn while they were there and become a miserable companion. I didn’t find out until my dad’s birthday that my mom had been saving for two years to take them on this trip. And she hadn’t told anyone.
It’s amazing to me the wilpower it takes to keep something like that to yourself. Especially for such a long time. Kudos to Chris for keeping something to himself for so long. I’m pretty sure that’s not something I could ever do.
Enjoy Hawaii!!!!!
hayden tompkins says:
WOW! She saved for two years?! Just wow.
August 9, 2008 at 2:16 pm
SanityFound
ROFL @ mssc54 too funny – I personally hate plans mind you look where it got me. Does hubby have a back up plan or a plan B?
Communication fascinates me, the brain of a man especially – odd species really!
hayden tompkins says:
I like having a direction, even though it may change. It’s a way of deciding what’s your priorities are and how you would like to live your life. Did you see “Pirates of The Carribean”?
August 11, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Corey
Hayden- I’ve got it! You can incorporate his 5 year plan and your desire to procreate! Conception while in Hawaii!
You guys could have a beach baby! How cool is that!
hayden tompkins says:
Oh. My. God. I’m so embarassed. You’re such a genius. I don’t know what to think!