Why is it so hard to accept compliments?

We feel weird being complimented for doing something that is our ‘job’.

Sometimes we get complimented for doing things that are part of our duty or job description.  We think, “Why would you compliment me on that?  Not only is it my job, but it’s the right thing to do.”

We believe that compliments feed the ego and have no wish to become ‘Ishtab Raging Beast of ME’.

I’ve run into some parents who don’t like the “special kid” mentality; the idea that we reward our children ‘just because’ they are special, that every kid on the losing team gets a medal.

What we don’t realize, however, is that children can’t put those compliments into context nor do they have any evaluative perspective.  But as adults, the scenario is wholly different.  Also, there is a marked distinction between praise earned and praise bestowed for purposes of brown nosing specialness.  Have a little faith in your ability to tell the difference.

We are shy and dislike the limelight.

We subscribe to a depressive worldview.

Someone who subscribes to a depressive point of view, internalizes the ‘bad’ but externalizes the ‘good’.  Whatever bad that happens is completely their fault, while whatever good that happens can be laid at the feet of external circumstance.  Many people who deny compliments are equally quick to accept criticism and judgment.

While compliments are rejected under the predication that an outside source is responsible, the criticisms are taken wholly to heart and nourished in the garden of internal despair.

We think we are unworthy or undeserving of a compliment.

In short, it is grounded in our low esteem for ourselves.  Usually low self-esteem is the result of years of allowing others to chip away at our dignity and self-respect.  Unfortunately, when we negate a compliment we are, in fact, disrespecting the giver.  In essence, we are denying their ability to reason and make judgments.

The very act of rejecting a compliment is a perpetuation of the same erosion of respect which caused the low self-esteem in the first place!

So how can we better accept compliments?

Be honest with yourself.

Be accepting of your qualities both good and bad.  Know thyself.  It is in this way that you can embrace the positive, because it is merely a reflection of your own understanding.

Practice.

Sometimes you just have to practice.  Stifle the urge to deflect the compliment and accept it in the fullness of grace in which it was intended.

Just say “thank you”.