Earlier this month, I tried asking myself a couple of questions to ’shake out’ my directional passion.  For example I tried imagining that I’d won the lottery and could, therefore, do anything I wanted.  What on earth would I do?

I ‘discovered’ that I would spend a lot of time at the beach, eating delicious foods, while Sven-the-masseuse dedicated a whole hour to massaging my feet.  I had a vision of myself in an azure lagoon, the gentle lapping of constant waves dulling my ‘ego consciousness’ so far that I would barely be motivated to type.  And when I did, this is what I could manage.

waves…wave-like…like waves…dynamic nirvana…where the sand meets the ocean…heaven…what does the sand in my suit mean?…it means nothing…life is nothing…I can fly in the water…

Sadly, unfettered tactile enjoyment does not come under the umbrella of ‘directional purpose’.  Drat. 

Alas, the question was not, I learned from the inimitable Steve Pavlina, ”What would I do if I was rich?” but rather “What would I do if I was broke?”  Lack of wealth tends to strip one of the non-essentials; being broke brings focus to what you really find important. 

If you have no money, what would you bend-over-backwards to do?

My father has been broke 95% of his life.  But, no matter how much money he lacked, he always found a way to attend concerts, read, and tip the waitresses at Denny’s 30%.  To assist a stranded motorist.  To read “The Phantom Tollbooth” to me and my brother at night.  He’s made many many mistakes, but it’s clear that – no matter what – he will do what it takes to satisfy his love of music, books, and giving.

If I had no money, if I was homeless, what would I bend over backwards to do?

I would go dancing, even if I handle to panhandle the money to do so.  I would spend lots of time in my local library, reading and writing.  I would find a way to help my fellow homeless.  Above all, I would do what it took to take care of my husband.

It’s a strange feeling, to realize that I’m really not so different from my father – a man I  both hated and adored for the first 12 years of my life.  Do I love music and reading and helping others because those are the values under which he lived?  Or was I ‘paired’ with him so I could develop those values in myself?

The gifts of my purpose, the depths of my passion, are ever more fervent because I was tested in the fire of his wrath.  Through coping with his abuse, I developed confidence, fortitude, and certainty – an indomitable will to be. 

Before I asked, how best can I love the world?  Now I am asking, how best can I be?  What gets in the way of the truest expression of my authentic self?  What inspires the best expression of my deepest self? 

What is the next step?  Chip away at the barriers.  Strengthen my inspiration.  Serve.

Two is greater than one.

I have a friend who is turning 50 soon.  (50!)  And boy is she motivated to make some sustainable life changes.  Among the things she wants to do is read 50 books, lose 50 lbs., and knit 50 hats for chemotherapy patients.  So, Connie, I’m with you.  Tonight I am going to go out and get knitting materials, sit down with a knitting eHow, and try making hats.  I can’t promise they’ll be pretty; I’ll probably turn out to be the real-life Hermione Granger of knitting; but I think even I can manage 8.33333 hats a month. 

Needles for Noodles!