I woke up this morning in an unbelievably, uncharacteristically black mood.  Even my kittens ran for cover.

Monday.  Bah!  Painting.  Double bah!  Bad hair day.  BAH.  Disassembled toilet.  Bah humbug! 

As I harrumphed my way through the house, my husband made some half-hearted attempts to mollify the beast who had replaced his wife.  Would I like some breakfast?  Could he get me some towels?  Perhaps I would like to kiss him before I left for the day?  I think my withering stare convinced him of the necessity of a strategic retreat.

I sat in my car cursing the traffic gods while I stewed under a black cloud of aggravatedness.  And then “Boogie Wonderland” came on the radio.  (It is scientifically for me to stay angry while listening to “Boogie Wonderland”, especially if it’s the fab version from “Happy Feet”.)

Finally, I came to my senses.

How You Too Can Kick The Funk

Don’t try and go from zero-to-happy in 2.4 seconds.  You’ll just feel like a fake, and nothing adds to your funk more than acting like you are happy.  (”How you act, so shall you be.”  Yeah, yeah, bite me.)

Of all people, animal trainers know that behavior modification doesn’t happen in an instant.  So use these tips to tame your inner tiger.

1.  Groove the savage beast.

For Her.

For Him.

2.  Tranquilize with tidbits.

Something simple.  Something happy.  Preferably something chocolate.  (All the best lion trainers have tubs of steak at their disposal!  What’s your stash?)

3.  Be with the bite-sized.

By the time you’ve taken the edge of your cantankerousness, you are ready to test your disposition with the cutest members of your family.  Cuddle with a kitten!  Play with a puppy!  Cavort with a child!

4.  Rally with an ally.

Start with a friend.  Add a dash of frivolity.  Stir.  Repeat if necessary.  Perhaps campy 80’s music, funny YouTube videos, or Dilbert could be taken under discussion?

5.  Take it to the mattress.

Heh!  (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.)  Really, go do something with your beloved which you both enjoy.  If after this bonanza of beatific-ness you are still nursing your inner barbarian, then give up and go find a cranky cave until you are ready bless society with sunshine and rainbows.