I’ll be honest. I’ve thought about being a life coach and, in some ways, what I do here at PersistentIllusion is a form of ‘life coaching’.
Would I love to sit down with people and talk about what is going on in their lives? Absolutely! Do I adore the idea of helping people make positive changes for a passionate life? Of course I do! Am I a fan of using technology for sustainable life changes? So much so that we hope to roll out the website by August.
I think life coaching, however, has turned into something of an insidious, though wholely unintended, multi-level marketing scheme.
I want to live my purpose therefore I become a life coach to help others live their purpose.
Somehow it doesn’t make any sense to me. I guess the term I want is “self-cannibalizing”. What happens when everyone becomes a life coach to live their purpose? Who’s left to get coached? Then what will all the life coaches do?
What I would do if everyone lived their passion? That, I think, would be my ultimate purpose.
When it comes down to it, I just don’t care about my ‘day job’. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I basically spend my day managing pieces of paper in the event we have to look something up. I am not engaging my mind, I am not creating anything, I am not involved in the process, and worse – I don’t really understand any of it and it doesn’t matter because I am not involved in any of the process.
I don’t need ‘the’ answer before I move to my next step. And I don’t think that ‘the answer’ is necessarily static anyway. Today’s answer to living my purpose isn’t necessarily tomorrow’s. What I do know is that today’s answer means getting away from being a warm body, a paper pusher, a machine.
As Dereck from iWillNotDie pointed out, machines break.
…and I want to fly.
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July 3, 2008 at 5:52 pm
leafless
“What happens when everyone becomes a life coach to live their purpose?”
But not everyone is motivated enough to live his or her purpose. Very few actually do.
hayden tompkins says:
True. But the point remains, becoming a life coach to help others follow their purpose so you can follow your purpose is like, becoming a financial planner to help other people make money so you can make money.
July 4, 2008 at 12:50 am
thedailydish
My cousin worked as a corporate drone for years before she ended up divorced and miserable. She moved to Australia, ended up becoming a life coach and has subsequently found the man of her dreams. One of my closest friends from high school is also now a therapist & life coach. Both of them seem very happy in their chosen career.
I know that life coaching makes a real difference in many people’s lives. But you already make a real difference sharing your wisdom for free via this website. To me, you have a very natural gift, a calling, for vision and passion which many (if not most) people lack in their lives. The things which seem second-nature to you are practically a foreign language to SO MANY. You have insight, lady, which others simply lack. And there are people who need someone like you, Hayden. to help show them the way.
I am not sure exactly what I was envisioning when I was thinking about you yesterday – therapist, counselor, life coach. All of these adjectives seem to fit you already. It’s not so much a career change as it is as change in personal “definition”.
Too many people go their entire life searching for meaning, looking (often fruitlessly) for their purpose. You have been searching for yours, you seem to be asking yourself (and the universe) WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHERE SHOULD I GO? but I think you already know. You couldn’t be any better at what you do. This blog is a testament to your insight, wisdom, generosity. I believe it’s only natural to turn that into paid employment. And the rewards would be even greater – helping REAL PEOPLE IN REAL TIME IN REAL LIFE. Actually seeing the blossoming, the response, the change in person. I cannot imagine anything that would bring you more pleasure. Other than your husband.
hayden tompkins says:
He is fabulous!
Ok, Christy, you and Kip are making me do some serious thinking. Serious, serious thinking. Someone mentioned that perhaps I subconsciously wrote that Life Coach entry so I could be persuaded? What I do know is that if I said I was a “life coach” now, I would feel like a fraud, but I think I could move in that direction.
Either way, thank you for your super kind words.
July 4, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Kip de Moll
“I want to fly”…maybe you should be a pilot!
Your image (and your hurdle) doesn’t work, if I may be so bold.
Yoga teachers need Yoga teachers to refine their techniques, have their own poses seen from outside. Therapists need therapists to help objectively with their own issues. Even painters and carpenters need help to get their own house painted, or the roof repaired, before it rains.
And still, there are so many who don’t want to coach others, who do want to be pilots and engineers and software analysts. There are even some who would love “just” to store information in case it’s needed.
And even bloggers need other bloggers to stimulate and support…
hayden tompkins says:
Wow. WOW. I have been assuming that everyone wants to be a ‘life coach’. What a silly, silly assumption…that speaks volumes about how I feel. Erm. Ok.
July 4, 2008 at 5:05 pm
InSanityFound
“…and I want to fly.” … and soar you shall – you’re smiling more these days yes?
hayden tompkins says:
I already smile a heck of lot. Any more and my lips might fly off my face! Not so much what I was intending when I said I wanted to ‘fly’.
July 4, 2008 at 5:44 pm
mssc54
For a number of years I attended a (6:30am) Christian Business owners bible study. Our focus was opperating our business according Biblical principals. After a few years we had this new guy join. He said he was a “Life Coach”. I think he was around for almost a year and a half. Over time I found out that he had one divorce and was seperated fron his current wife and none of his children would speak to him. I guess (like some of us) he has learned from his mistakes. I do know, however, that whenever he would bring in his board and do a presentation for us…. well I could understand why he was having financial problems.
I have come to understand that it is not so much where I am but what I do with that “season”. What sort of affect do I have on the people that I enteract with. We WILL have and affect whether it be positive or negative is up to how we respond to life’s challenges’, how we speak about our lives to our coworkers and even how we treat the hourly workers at the drive through windows.
Lately I have entered into a (deliberate) “season”. I have determined to find something positive to say to each individual I interact with… no matter how mundain (they think) their job may be. Even the buss boy at the resturaunt is doing an awesome job of keeping up with things.
Like I said, we will make a difference. Let’s make a decision to affect everyone in a positive way.
hayden tompkins says:
Even ‘College Lawyer Boy’?
July 4, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I Will Not Die » The fraudulence of a life purpose
[...] at Persistent Illusion, wrote a remarkable article. Somewhat casually, she cracked away at the shell of a very, very big [...]
July 5, 2008 at 2:23 am
mssc54
Haha ESPECIALLY “College Lawyer Boy!” (really a term of endearment)
July 7, 2008 at 12:54 pm
LifeCoacher
Nice article! I run a life coaching blog myself, check it out if you want: Life Coaching Blog
July 7, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Night Writer
I didn’t start seeing the words “life coach” until I started following the Manival. It would make me think to myself, “Why don’t they just get a pastor?” Of course I realized that not everyone has this advantage (I consider it a necessity rather than a luxury), and it made me more appreciative of what I have. It also reminded me of how much my pastor has emphasized discipleship – or what others might call “mentoring” or “life coaching” – and that we should all be consistently following someone while simultaneously having others follow us; we should be constantly learning and growing with another’s help, while at the same time reaching back to help others.
It’s become so engrained in me that I hardly notice that I’m doing it, but I can see it in the interactions I have with our multiple-church men’s group, the “Fundamentals in Film” class I’ve been doing for more than two years with a group of teen-age boys, and the upcoming “How to be Marriageable” group. Futhermore, while my blog is mainly for my own amusement, it also plays a role in this.
I also have a well-paying corporate drone job that I’ve thought of ditching from time to time. It more than covers our bills, however, which allows me the time and freedom to pursue these other activities that are more satisfying, if apparently unremunerative. I suppose I could try to do these things professionally, but most of the people I’ve become connected with aren’t in a position to “pay” me in ways that the mortgage company and Visa recognize.
Ultimately, however, I think people struggle and avoid a disciple/mentor/coach relationship because they don’t want to admit to anyone that they don’t have everything all figured out, and because they want everything, and everyone, else to change but not themselves.
hayden tompkins says:
You nailed one of the reasons that I have been resisting the whole ‘life coach’ thing, which is that I don’t think that I have everything figured out. But what I realized is that 1) it isn’t necessary, and 2) it hasn’t stopped me from writing this blog.
In order to feel integrity with being a life coach, I would have to know that I am successful in my own life – as in living my purpose, passionately hurtling through the experience that is life. Purpose and passion.
“Why don’t they just get a pastor?”
Some people don’t feel comfortable working within the context of a religion. Others may want a more rounded approach than a pastor often gives. But, for me, most pastors are not living lives I want to emulate. If I am looking at someone to guide me and give me advice, I want that information from someone who is living the way I want to live.
I’m not explaining this well, but it is like an artist who chooses to do Christian music. Once you go there, it is incredibly hard to write any other kind of music. You’re stuck – artistically – doing Christian and only Christian music. There are more stories to tell.
July 19, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Jim
I think what you say is true to a point, about the evolution of life coaching. There seems to be a lot more people these days who want to “help people coach” than there are to “coach people”. Nature of the beast I guess. Jim http://www.LifeCoachBuzz.com
hayden tompkins says:
I hadn’t even thought of that!
April 24, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Kathy
I understand your position but there are many people who haven’t figured out how to deal with life’s issues and that’s where a life coach can help. A life coach helps you stay accountable for your thoughts and actions. Not everyone has things figured out and for those people a life coach provides guidance and direction so they can improve. My coach (Vickie Champion) has been a life coach for 13 years. She has helped me develop professionally and personally in ways that I would not have thought of on my own. You many not the see the importance of having a life coach but there are many of us that have experienced the benefits of having one.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you for sharing!