One more thing you may not have known about me is that my husband is ten years older than I am – a whole decade!  When he was graduating high school, I was barely in elementary school.  When he worked at Disney, I very possibly could have run into him as a youngster.

I am, in equal parts, amazed and weirded out.

I never thought, in a million years, that I would marry someone with such a big age difference.  I have always held the belief that if there is too much of an age difference, that you will have less in common, less to talk about, less common ground, and an unequal distribution of power in the relationship.

If my  daughter ever came to me  and told me she was marrying a man who was a decade her senior, I would probably pitch a fit after I recovered from my heart attack.  Who is this age-inappropriate ‘man’ manipulating my daughter?!

Yet the benefits of dating, and yes marrying, an older man have been enormous and downright extraordinary.  It has brought a depth, a level of appreciation, that has contributed to the success of our marriage.

1.  Assertive v. Aggressive.  I always felt that I was too aggressive, too pushy, and horribly unfeminine.  (Like my boobs were slapped on a guy.)  I thought it was me and I would agonize over holding my tongue and keeping my opinions to myself.

When I met Chris, since I didn’t consider him seriously, I was completely myself.  I was upfront about my likes, my dislikes, and I didn’t tone down my personality one jot.  Why would I?  He was lucky  to even be seen with me!

I found that, instead of being put off by my strength of personality, he preferred it!  He had dated woman after woman who meekly tried to make themselves into what they thought  he wanted them to be.  Since he was secure in himself, my strength did not diminish his own.

Where before I had felt overly aggressive, with him I felt like an assertive woman.  A sexy, assertive woman!

2.  It’s not personal.  Also, he almost never took anything personally.  If I had a problem, he didn’t automatically assume it was about him.  The wisdom that you aren’t really the center of the universe most definitely comes with age and experience.

3.  He knew what he wanted.  He wasn’t still ‘finding’ himself or still figuring things out.  He knew who he was and what he wanted.  (And this, luckily, included me.)

4.  Asset v. Liability  Many guys consider their wives liabilities instead of assets.  But who better to call you on your bull?  Who better to tell you that you are coasting?  Who better to inspire you to be a better man?

When I insisted that Chris move towards fulfilling his passion and purpose, he wasn’t defensively reactive.  He didn’t harp that I ‘nagged’ him and he didn’t turn it into a relationship power-struggle.  He knew that when I told him he was coasting, that he was letting the most valuable moments of his life pass him by, that it was in his best interests to pay attention.

But he knew ahead of time that being married to me wasn’t going to be easy, that my standards were high for what we could accomplish as team.  And, as he shared my opinion that marriage should be an asset to your growth, so too he felt that I  was an asset.

Instead of ‘taking his freedom’, I was giving him the freedom to chase his passion..with 100% backup.

What’s really important?

He knows that the house and the car and the clothes are not important.  Having moved further into adulthood, his self-knowledge grounded him about who he  was and so he didn’t need material things to make a statement about who he was.

Who is he?

He is patient; he is kind
and he envies no one.
He is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing he cannot face;
there is no limit to his faith,
his hope, and his endurance.
In a word, he knows that there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.