Why must we do this? Why are we engaged in this never-ending ballet of dismissiveness? Why do you make me want to stab you in the eye with the closest sharp object?
It’s like when you tell us we are PMSing and your faux logic rears its ugly head. Just because, for example, your boss is screaming “you’re fired!” at you, and you don’t care for his tone, doesn’t change the fact that you are fired.
So when you are dismissive of us, it’s the nice way of saying “nothing-you-say-is valid-or-relevant-because-I-presume-that-every-time-you-are-upset-that-it-is-because-your-hormones-are-making-it-up”.
I know, gee, what could a lady possibly possibly be upset about?
My very good friend, male, called me this weekend. He wanted to catch-up, chat, and ultimately vent about how his wife keeps bothering him about picking up his underwear. Imagine his absolute astonishment when I said, “well pick up your dang underwear”. How could I possibly agree with nagging?
For some reason, guys assume that if they can classify something as ‘nagging’ they can ignore it. If they can attribute it to nagging or PMSing or whatever, they can ignore it. The amount of guys who say, “well, when she nags me about it, I don’t want to do it” astonish me.
If you did it the first time, there would be no nagging because – and work with me here – it would already be done. If, on the other hand, your wife wants you to pick up the underwear and you disagree, that’s a totally different story. But, dear ones, you really know better than that.
Here is the thing.
It is 2008, we are in a new century, we live in an era of progressiveness and change. And yet, and yet, women still do the majority of managing the house. Yes, I know, you take out the trash and ‘contribute’ but I hate to break it to you but it is not the same.
Who is picking up the house? Who cleans? Who is doing the laundry? Who is maintaining the grocery list? Who does the grocery shopping? Who does the household budgeting? Who sends out the Christmas cards? Who manages all that crap in their head?
Not you. (Well, not most of you.)
So here you are, going through your day on autopilot, shitting all over the work that your wife does everyday with almost no complaint. You should feel lucky to pick your underwear off the floor. You do that one simple thing, and she’ll manage the rest of the house without complaint – as long as you and your drawers don’t get in the way.
A lot of guys wish they had this,
…but please note, gentlemen, that none of your underwear is on the floor in this picture!
Pick up after yourself. It’s that simple. And most of us will handle the rest.
16 comments
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May 28, 2008 at 12:56 am
Lori
Dear God – why can’t I say that to my husband!?! When I say it, it just comes out as…comes out as…nagging!
persistentillusion says:
Yes, it can be tricky. Especially when guys get a little ‘trigger happy’ with that nagging label.
May 28, 2008 at 11:57 am
Kip de Moll
“Who is picking up the house? (both) Who cleans? (both) Who is doing the laundry? (mostly me) Who is maintaining the grocery list? (both) Who does the grocery shopping? (both) Who does the household budgeting? (me) Who sends out the Christmas cards? (neither).”
My cooking was no where near as good, but I happily did my share. I vacuumed and mowed the lawn and…
Perhaps I’m the exception to the rule, but it amazes me to realize this is still a problem. I grew up in a very traditional family, but I have never experienced lazing on the couch. If I’m watching football, I’m folding laundry too. It’s just what has to be done. It’s not rocket science: you help and there’s more time to play together.
Unfortunately, I apparently, still couldn’t figure out there was still dust between the cracks, or something…
persistentillusion says:
Lucky you’re taken, Kip, because I might have been deluged with emails wanting to know who you are and where they can find more of you!
I have to say I married an amazing guy but when we first got married he was clueless about how to manage a home and, to his credit, he kept wanting me to give him a list of things to do. I refused and told him that what needs to be done today is what needed to be done last week. No change. Just do what you can.
Well, my hard work paid off because now we pretty much do everything together (except I clean the whole house and he does dishes and trash).
Kip, the board has decided to award you the PersistentIllusion Medal of Partnership Awesome-inity. Way to go, Kip!
May 28, 2008 at 12:46 pm
thedailydish
If they don’t want to pick up their dirty drawers, just leave them there. Eventually they will run out of clean ones. If they start recycling the used ones, or go out and buy more b/c they are that damn lazy, then you (and they) have bigger problems. Force the issue.
persistentillusion says:
“If they start recycling the used ones”
:shudder:
May 28, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Connie
Aww, the age old underwear on the floor dilemma…true story here…a wife was having the same problem and she casually mentioned it to her mother-in-law, M-I-L nagged son instead b/c she felt it a reflection on her parenting skills, the wife no longer had to pick up his underwear LOL I solved similar problem by not washing them, when asked why there were no clean underwear I just mentioned that they weren’t in the hamper to be washed. It was VERY hard not to pick them up myself but I perservered!
persistentillusion says:
You guys are geniuses!
May 28, 2008 at 3:02 pm
marlajayne
Love the leave them in the floor advice. The truth is that (except for Kip and a few others like him) most men don’t care as much as women do about the cleanliness and neatness of a home. Yes, I may be overgeneralizing a bit, I feel confident that if anyone of us would look this topic up in an intro sociology book, we’d see the same tired old facts about women and the “second shift.” Actually, my husband cares, but he only really notices it when something is NOT done…like no clean socks or a big pile of unsorted mail.
I just remembered something I read decades ago…three maybe (older than Hayden is!). Anyway, the author sets the scene by writing about these two men who are college roommates, one black and one white. They share tasks such as vacuuming, sweeping, and dusting on the rare occasions when it gets done. When they grocery shop, it’s usually for one person, and they each do their individual laundry. Time passes, and the white man gets married, so the black man moves out. The bride moves in, and all of the duties that the men have shared now become her duties–often without any discussion at all. It’s just assumed that she will do those tasks for both of them, tasks that one man wouldn’t ask another to do regardless of skin color. I guess the reason race was in the story was because of the relative newness of civil rights.
I hadn’t been married too long at the time and was awestruck by the story. Why? Because I could see me in it.
persistentillusion says:
Ouch. Me too.
You should have seen Chris’s apartment when I met him. Oh. My. God. I just – I can’t even describe it to you. Now he cares about decorating in an asian zen buddhist style, but I honestly don’t think he gave a hoot before.
Interestingly, he has already started talking about ‘his’ lawn and ‘his’ garden. So maybe I can rope him into growing me some delicious veggies!
May 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Kip de Moll
I’m no longer “taken”…send me those EMAILS!
persistentillusion says:
oh boy!
May 28, 2008 at 7:10 pm
thedailydish
I have the funniest story – your :shudder: above reminded me of it. It’s about a woman, specifically, one of my mom’s former roommates in nursing school. This gal was a nice person, but apparently left something to be desired when it came to hygiene. She didn’t do laundry w/ any sort of regularity. Nope. Rather than wash her dirty undies, she’d simply turn them INSIDE OUT for a few more wearings. YUM.
persistentillusion says:
AWWWWWWWWWWWEEWWWWWWWW!
June 3, 2008 at 5:40 pm
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June 4, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Richard
I’ve largely solved the picking-up problem, at least in the short term… I bought a very cheap pop-up laundry hamper at a local store, and – importantly – put it in a corner, between my wardrobe and wall. It’s a big enough hamper to take a full load of laundry, and also big enough, combined with being in a corner, that throwing clothes vaguely in the right direction mostly ends up with a hit. If I have to carefully place my clothes in the hamper, they’re going on the floor instead, but if I can just throw them at the wall – it’s almost fun!
persistentillusion says:
“cheap pop-up laundry hamper” You are a man after my own heart, I have about 5 of those!
I think that the fact that you chose to take the problem as an opportunity for ‘problem solving’ instead of something to ignore, is really incredible. If there is any partner in your life, I hope they are suitably appreciative!
June 10, 2008 at 6:08 pm
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June 17, 2008 at 4:59 pm
| The Art of Manliness
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June 25, 2008 at 8:47 pm
symbolicgodzilla
So you’re saying if I pick up my underwear I get to have my girlfriend dress like that? Sold!
hayden tompkins says:
Just don’t tell your girlfriend I said that!
July 28, 2008 at 7:31 pm
kayzee
On that cheap hamper thing… my hubby will walk RIGHT BY IT and drop his drawers in the bathroom every morning.
And he doesn’t see the pink coating on the bathroom bowl until I tell him to look, because it is no longer there, because I cleaned it.
I think he has selective vision. He can find the broken parts of microprocessors, but not dust, hairs on the floor, scum in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded, or mail that needs to be sorted.
I’m going a little crazy!
hayden tompkins says:
I often marvel at how my husband, a computer programmer, can get so irritated with disorganized code – but remain completely oblivious to disorganization IRL. (In real life.)
Good luck, my friend!
August 13, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Darren
When my wife and I were dating, very early in the relationship, she made a suprise visit to my place. She wanted to see how I lived when I wasn’t expecting company. She found my place “ship shape”, because that’s how I keep everything. I won’t let her do my laundry, because I not only sort, I sub-sort. The point is, dating is the interview process for marrage. You must treat your prospective mate as the finished product. If he/she is a slob when he is single, he/she will be a slob for life. An old Irish saying states: “You can dress up a goat, but he’s still a goat.” When I was in the Navy (Submarine Service) any personal items left on the deck, or any place they didn’t belong, was called “gear adrift” and confiscated. Note to Kayzee: Whomever takes the laundry out of the dryer, deals with it. Also, seperate bedrooms are somehting of a tradition in my family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Most men feel like a guest in their wife’s bedroom. Futhermore, I cannot be banished from my bed to the couch. Anyone who can deprive a person of their last refuge on this Earth, has way too much power!
hayden tompkins says:
Separate bedrooms? Scandalous! What an interesting idea…. I just love your comment.
August 13, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Darren
Sharing a bedroom is something of a modern idea. In the past, until about WWII, only poorer couples would share a bedroom, anyone who could afford it kept separate rooms. You find this in movies set before ~1940 or so.
April 15, 2009 at 1:47 pm
moviefan9
I’m commenting even though this post is old. It reminded me of when I was first married. I was between jobs and staying at home in our small apartment. My husband started leaving his dirty drawers on the floor. When he got home I asked him about it and he said he left them there to give me something to do during the day! Well, 17 years and 3 kids later and he is still the same. He even bragged to our 9 year old son the other day that it had been YEARS since he had to clean a toilet.
hayden tompkins says:
WOW. Perhaps it is time to go on strike?