Before the question “how to be a woman?” is answered, we must first answer the question “what is a woman?” and in answering the first question, you have answered the second.
A woman, the penultimate woman, is a goddess.
A goddess needs no man, yet chooses a companion. A goddess is strong, both demanding and yielding. A goddess inspires all to be better, do better, and love better. A goddess doesn’t conquer because she encompasses. A goddess embraces truth in all things. A goddess is dynamic in heart, movement, and nature. A goddess is love, and does so with an open heart.
Independent.
A woman does not need a man to care for her, or keep her from feeling lonely, or pay her bills. A woman chooses a man.
She knows that it is only through the challenge of full partnership that she grows. So she is picky and, therefore, will not settle for anything less than her complement. She knows that if she compromises and takes the easy way out, she is compromising her soul.
Strong.
A woman is physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong.
A woman has the most under-appreciated yet critical strength of all. She has the strength of her feeling, her heart. Our society looks down upon people who are fully open, this trait is one that is demeaned and unwanted.
The woman who is in full possession of her heart, however, is a strong woman. A woman who’s family is threatened is the woman who attacks a 300 lb. robber, who lifts a car off of her child, who would rather die than give in to anyone who would hurt those she loves.
This woman loves her family so much that she does not give in to them to make things easier. She is firm because she knows that she is life, that she is teaching them life, and through that showing her family themselves.
Yielding.
A woman knows that everyone is responsible for themselves. A woman knows when to step back and allow those she loves to make decisions, right or wrong, because to do otherwise would circumvent their growth. Just as she challenges, she allows her loved ones to face their own challenges in their own way, in their own time.
A woman knows that it takes strength to stand by and do nothing.
Wisdom.
A woman knows the meaning of life. While others are trying to run empires and amass fortunes, she knows that the meaning of life is simple. Love others and live fully. Nothing else matters.
If she is running empires and amassing fortunes, she knows that – still – the meaning of life is still to love others and live fully.
Inspires.
A woman inspires others to be better than they are, to love others, to live fully. A woman challenges others to be themselves, authentically, in every moment. A woman can detect b.s. from a mile away and will not suffer b.s. gladly.
A woman demands the truth in others by demanding it from her self, demands excellence by doing even the smallest tasks with excellence, and inspires others to be better because she can see what they truly are.
Encompasses.
A woman doesn’t try to conquer others because she knows that true victory cannot be attained by subjugation. As it has not worked for the world, so it cannot work for people.
A woman encompasses all with her love and intensity. A woman with an open heart, a full heart, can subsume others – because she has brought them into her being; she is their being.
Honest.
A woman is always truthful, because she knows that no one is served otherwise. A woman is real, authentic, and always her full self. She knows who she is and what she is because she is always honest with herself and never looks to others to tell her who she is.
Shows up.
A woman shows up her life and lives fully in the present. She doesn’t shirk her duties or obligations or try to put them on others. She is fully responsible for herself and her life because she consciously made a choice about everything in her life. A woman is never a victim.
A woman always keeps the big picture in mind. She knows that she cannot live her purpose, live on purpose, unless she is fully responsible for her life.
Dynamic.
A woman is dynamic and powerful. A woman is the ocean, be it calm and still or raging and stormy. A woman knows that experiencing herself in every moment means experiencing how she is in every moment, fully, without holding back.
While some seek to ignore or cut themselves off from their emotions, a woman knows that it takes amazing strength to suffer unfettered joy or heart-rending loss. While others can only experience their bodies through sex, sport, or endurance, a woman experiences her physicality as it is – fully and completely. While others grasp at ritual and religion to find their spirituality, a woman lives the experience of her spirituality through connecting with her core.
Love.
A woman loves because she is love, and she is love because she loves.
Being a goddess isn’t about being perfect. When you look at history or mythology, the women we considered goddesses were not perfect; however, they moved through the universe with full knowledge of their being. They lived passionately, openly, and without regrets. And above all, their love was profound, intense…beyond mind blowing.
A goddess loves so deeply, so openly, that she blows open the hearts of those around her.





16 comments
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May 13, 2008 at 5:09 am
Robert
Nice, perhaps a bit too demanding (can I now sit back and relax, waiting for the real women to inspire me ?
), but I would still like to add two (now who is demanding here?):
- A woman respects and loves herself. Therefore she walks around with dignity and self respect. She is not slave to the pharmaceutical, cosmetic and fashion industry, following all the imbecile commercial advertisements trying to make a Barbie doll out of herself. Common ladies, wake up!
- A woman has an inner peace because she is not hysterically trying to save everybody around her, her man and her kids, she is not trying to be perfect, she takes time for herself, relaxes a lot, even sleeps… You can feel her peaceful breaths from dozen of metres (or yards of whatever) away.
And yes, she is a Goddess. Actually ladies, you are all Goddesses, you just need to wake up and recognize that.
persistentillusion says:
Lucky the man who knows he is married to a goddess!
May 13, 2008 at 2:00 pm
connie
Well said! It would be awesome if girls were taught this as soon as possible by mothers that embrace being a strong woman and goddess.
Too often they fall prey to the whole “victim” mentality. I never was able to get my stepdaughter out of that mode. She was eleven when I began my efforts and at 23 with two children of her own, still plays that card!
* Many of your posts regarding woman would be excellent compiled into a book! “What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me” LOL
persistentillusion says:
It’s funny you say that because I really do wish my mother had told me this stuff. Although, the one thing she told me about moisturizer was pretty priceless.
May 16, 2008 at 1:37 am
How to Be a Woman
[...] How to Be a Woman by Hayden Tompkins [...]
May 16, 2008 at 2:18 am
Nicole
Unbelievably hot.
persistentillusion says:
I sure hope so, lol!
May 16, 2008 at 4:27 am
Juanita
“A picture paints a thousand words,” and you certainly maximized on that ‘truth.’
So elegantly expressed.
Juanita
persistentillusion says:
Thank you.
May 16, 2008 at 8:31 am
Suzie
Great post – a lot to aim for, but that’s the nature of the ideal I guess!
persistentillusion says:
As long as you try like a diva, I don’t think you can go wrong.
May 16, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map
Agreed! Now if I can teach my daugthers these, and be the perfect role model myself, that will be wonderful!
Thanks for sharing,
Evelyn
persistentillusion says:
You don’t have to be perfect, just FABULOUS.
May 16, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Alex
Wow! I’m blown away by this post. I’m probably going to read it several times over the next couple of days, no actually I’ll read it everyday! Powerful
persistentillusion says:
I am very glad you like it!
May 16, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Erin Pavlina is My Hero « Persistent Illusion
[...] prodigious. (52 entries!) I had wanted/yearned/hoped that Senor Pavlina would read “How to Be A Woman” and pickmepickme! And he [...]
May 17, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Cordieb
Those words were absolutely beautiful and profound. And they are perfect descriptions of a woman. Thanks for sharing. BTW, I see you have some links on a more recent post – was this some kind of blog meme or something. I feel as if I’ve missed something. ?? Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.
persistentillusion says:
StevePavlina.com wrote a post called “How To Be A Man” and then invited people to write a complementary post on “How To Be A Woman”. They got a TON of really great entries and he and his wife selected their personal favorities to showcase. I think they read through a total of 52+ entries!
May 18, 2008 at 12:45 pm
The Alien Exodus « Life Without A Compass
[...] glad I participated. Live and learn they say and I’ve learned a lot with this experience. Persistent Illusions’ entry paid more homage to the goddess part of the woman. Squawkfox’s entry was dead-on funny [...]
May 18, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Noa Rose Choose the Present
Wonderful post. I’ve read many of the 52 entries and yours deserves to be near the top.
persistentillusion says:
Thank you very much. You’re quick, I am still working through them!
May 23, 2008 at 12:48 pm
OnlineSnitch.com » How to Be a Woman
[...] How to Be a Woman by Hayden Tompkins [...]
September 1, 2008 at 10:17 pm
deepali
I love the idea of you writing a book. This is fabulous, and maybe I got a little teary-eyed.
hayden tompkins says:
Thank you!
December 12, 2008 at 2:10 am
KEYKEY
WOW!!! So beautifully expressed. It warms my soul, gives me hope and encouragement. I aspire to be at least some of these things in this life.. I wish my mom would have shared this with me duirng my trying times as a teenager but hey, its never too late. Thanks for sharing information like this too women like me who suffer self esteem issues from time to time but i will keep on striving.
hayden tompkins says:
I guess each generation is different than the one before. Just think of all the stuff you can teach your kids!!
April 3, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Happy National Cleavage Day! « Through The Illusion
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