Relevant Church has challenged its married members to have sex, every day, for 30 days.

This church, not very surprisingly, is located in Ybor which is the location of the very risqué Guavaween.  (This year’s motto is “Get Your Freak On” if that is any indication.)

Instead, take only 7 days to kick-start your way to sexual nirvana.

Don’t wait until bedtime.

You will be too tired to be seriously interested and do your best.  This is the #1 THING you can do for your sex life.

Kegel exercises.

Kegels are usually recommended for boring stuff like incontinence, childbirth prep, and childbirth recovery.  Little known is that kegels can, ahem, inspire a lady too.  Kegels help speed blood to…uh, just take my word for it.  There is nothing to lose and even if you don’t feel more ‘inspired’ at least you will be very toned.

Make out.

Don’t just go straight to the bed after asking “Do you want to have sex?” because, when you put it like that, it all sounds so appetizing.  “Yes.  Please. Take me now.  I yearn for your touch.”

Don’t jump in bed naked.

People just strip and jump in bed to have sex.  This is not a fire drill!  Get in bed with your clothes on.  When it’s time, they’ll find their way to the floor.

Fresh ingredients.

Take a shower.  Better yet, take on together.

Underwear.

No holes!  No granny panties!  No mystery stains!

Don’t plan sex.

It is not an activity to be entered in your day planner!  Plan a date; you remember those, or an activity.  If you can’t get out of the house for an official date, set aside 1 hour for a mini-date just for you and your beloved.  Massage.  Make cookies.  Watch A Daily Show.  If you happen to end up having sex, that’s just a double bonus.

Don’t have sex everyday.

(Sorry Relevant Church!)  You’ve transformed the most awesome activity into a chore.  People hate chores, including you.

Don’t have sex for a week.

Make out.  Get naked.  Tease each other.  And don’t, under any circumstances, take care of yourself!  Make sure you don’t wait any longer than a week or you guys might start to get used to going without.  I know one couple who hasn’t had sex in twelve and they’ve been married for thirteen.

Be boring.

People think they have to get all exotic.  Role playing!  Toys!  13 positions from the Kama Sutra!  It’s fine to change position, but everyone should be comfortable.  The best sex comes from turning off your brain and experiencing your partner.  It should be like enjoying dessert, all texture and flavor, not worrying about creative spoon use.  Believe me; you won’t get points for a triple axle.