Rules for Success: #4

4.  Just say no.  (Also known as establishing boundaries.)  No one respects a patsy.  A chump, doormat, sucker, pushover, victim, marks you as someone who makes a great scapegoat.

Sometimes you don’t even see it coming because the other person is so gosh darn nice about it. 

Them:  (in person) Can you help me with this project I have?  I am really snowed under and I just need someone to look something up…

You:  Ok, I have a little time.

Them:  (via email) How is it coming on that research? Can you also make sure that you _____?  You’re the best!

You:  I was going to be finished by 2pm.  That extra stuff will make it take longer.  I’ll let you know as soon as I do.

Them: (via email, cc’d to your boss) Your project needs to be done asap since the client needs it by 5pm.  Let me know if you need any help.  Thanks!

You:  Whaaaaa??

Only accept projects from your supervisor.  If you agree to do something for someone who is not, be very specific about what exactly you are agreeing to do and how much time you are allocating for it.

Set a time limit.  You are not accepting responsibility for a project, you are volunteering an hour of your time.  If you aren’t finished after an hour, oh well, that’s an hour more than the other person had before. 

If you are not at Micky D’s, then never supersize.  If they try the “add-on” technique, tell them that -because you are so busy – you only allocated time for the original project and that you will not be able to assist on anything further.  Then look marginally upset about it and throw an “I’m so disappointed I can’t help you with the rest.”

Never say “I’m sorry”.  You aren’t.

Always, ‘your’ project.  Never verbally accept ownership of a project that is not yours.  Never “I’ll be finished with my research at 2pm”.  It’s not your research, it’s their research for their  project. 

Never on Wednesdays.  Everyone at work knows that Wednesday is date night at the Tompkins house.  If someone asks me to stay late on a Tuesday, I respond with a “Sure!  Good thing it’s not Wednesday, otherwise I’d have to turn you down.”  Of course, I say that with a chuckle and a good deal of charm.

Mindful Flexibility.  Only in the very extreme of extreme emergencies, violate a boundary.  For the most part, no one even approaches me on a Wednesday because they automatically assume I will say ‘no’ and they make other arrangements. 

If I am asked to stay late on a Wednesday, I usually know it’s major, however I will tell my boss that I need to check with my spouse before I agree to anything.  Of course, I am always ‘allowed’.  The point isn’t whether my spouse will agree, the point is that my boss knows that asking me to stay late breaks a commitment I have with someone else. 

Value your time.  If you don’t, no one else will!

Unfortunately, no one respects anything given away for free.  That’s why so many couples have the ‘you take me for granted’ conversation.  Always make it seem like a favor if you are helping someone out…not because you are an egomaniac but because it is a favor. 

What’s that saying?  Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

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If you liked this article check out Rules for Success: #1, Rules for Success: #2, or Rules for Success: #3.