…and talk to anyone.
“What do you do?”
That question really means “what do you do for a living?” or “how do you make money?”
Americans are growing increasingly unhappy with their jobs, The Conference Board reports. The decline in job satisfaction is widespread among workers of all ages and across all income brackets.
Half of all Americans today (2005) say they are satisfied with their jobs, down from nearly 60 percent in 1995. But among the 50 percent who say they are content, only 14 percent say they are “very satisfied.”
In a social situation when you ask someone what they do, you are asking them to tell you what makes them miserable.
Perhaps you simply want a conversation starter, or perhaps you want to classify them in your mental hierarchy.
Hmm. He’s an architect. That’s pretty good. I’m just an account executive. However, Bob is a CEO. So it’s 1)Bob, 2) the architect, and then 3) me.
Well tell your ego “down boy!” because that isn’t going to help you in your quest to be able to talk to anyone. Ask this touchdown question instead:
How do you spend most of your time?
Suddenly, ego’s off the table. Your target conversation partner can relax, since you obviously aren’t sitting in judgment of them. You have, in one question, given someone permission to talk about their passion.
Be a Conversational Genius!
When you give people permission to talk about their passion or themselves, you get the credit for being a great conversationalist. A truly successful conversation has nothing to do with what what you say to someone, it has to do with how you make them feel.
People in pursuit of charisma think that the key is in how they look or what they say and, though important, the key is making someone feel good about themself.
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4 comments
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January 28, 2008 at 6:09 pm
schierling
Very well said! My husband will say three sentences about his work and move on, but if you ask him about the Model A he is building, you better really want to know about it!
January 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm
marlajayne
Excellent advice. It sort of reminds me of Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I think he’s the one who said that the most important word in the English language is YOU and the least important is I.
January 28, 2008 at 6:58 pm
connie
Your insight continuously amazes me! I particularly like the last paragraph about charisma. The most charismatic people I know are not always the best looking, most well-spoken or the most knowledgeable, they ask the “right” questions, do not feign interest and actually listen to the answers.
January 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm
thedailydish
This one is so on the money.
When people ask me, “what do you do?” I have two options. If I want their attention, I tell them exactly what I do. I run a website dedicated to helping people like me – I cook, create recipes, am an avid photographer, and love to write. Oh, and I also take care of my house, my pets and my 2 daughters fulltime. All without compensation.
But if I could care less, I just say oh I am a stay-at-home mom, and watch their eyes to glaze over as they move onto the next poor sucker.
One of 2008 resolutions was to stop catering to those who don’t really care about me and who I really am. A lot of people make snap judgments about those who give up their working careers to be home with their family – a lot of women my age in fact, and some who used to be my friends. Their loss.
persistentillusion says:
Well, the whole point of feminism was to give women choice…apparently only one choice. I totally support your 2008 resolution.