Christmas is a very stressful time of year.  Especially if you are the ‘holiday coordinator’, which is usually Mom and usually thankless.

I had the good fortune to spend this weekend in the emergency room of my local hospital for “palpitations” which is a very benign sounding word for something that scared the crap out of me.  Good fortune?  Yes!  It seems strange, I know, but I am embracing this bit of news for all it’s worth.

Basically, I am boycotting Christmas.

I am not putting up any tree, buying any gifts, cooking any turkey, sending any cards, feeling guilty that I haven’t sent ‘enough’ to certain people even when they never send me anything, and I am not spending money I don’t have.  No stockings filled with stuff I shouldn’t be eating anyway.  No traveling to see relatives I don’t like.  No lights.  No carols.  Nothing.

Contrary to appearances, I am not a bah humbug person.  Christmas is one of the things my father got right; there are traditions I associate with Christmas that I want to pass on to my children.  But I would like to be around to pass them on.  I would like to continue to enjoy Christmas.

So, in boycotting Christmas this year, I am contemplating how I want to spend Christmases in following years.

Trade the Turkey for a Chicken

Can I tell you how tired I am of dealing with a jumbo-sized turkey, which then leaves me with jumbo-sized leftovers for a month?  And then the prep and the hours of cooking?

Stockings full of diabetes, obesity, and caffeine – Ho Ho Ho

One of the things my doctor mentioned was that I needed to stay away from caffeine.  I drink water.  Water is delicious and awesome.  No coke or coffee for me.  I’m thinking “piece of cake” until I was gently reminded that chocolate has caffeine.  Now I’m getting chest pains.

We have an obesity problem in this country.  We also have kids running around that we pump full of Ritalin because they are ADHD.  Do we really need to up the sugar ante?

And also – it may be my love of fantasy novels speaking – but what about fruit and cheeses?  Brie, rome apples, smoked gouda, golden delicious apples, fresh mozerella – YUM.  Yes, perhaps a tad calorie rich, but a breakfast spent munching on a fruit and cheese tray once a year has got to be better than a giant chocolate Santa, assorted kisses, and coco fruity pebbles.

Presents, The Only Way to Say ‘I Love You’

Let’s be honest.  Presents are awesome…for about ten minutes.  And it isn’t just kids with the short attention span either.  I cannot begin to list the amount of things I have been excited about and then forgotten within 3 months.

I’m a sucker for kitchen gadgets, yes! give me the super-blasto-incredi-powered-can’t live without-specialty item.  And how in the world have I lived without this??  Yes, I have a rice cooker that never sees the light of day.

Toning down those urges is difficult.  But as any parent who has bought their child now unused karate lessons knows, the longing for the item is far more powerful than enjoyment of the item.  That goes for adults too, ahem.

Plus, the more presents you get, the more stuff you have and the more stuff you have to store.  I don’t see what’s wrong with just one physical present for Christmas.  One present to fully appreciate, not a pay day of gratuitous items.

Decorations – Tu casa es mi casa

To me, nothing says Christmas more than a clean house.  We always gave the house a a thorough cleaning before Santa could come.  We would stay up until 2am cleaning and organizing and be too zonked to stay awake listening for sleigh bells.  (Or the pitter patter of adult feet putting presents under the tree.)  Slave labor?  Maybe.  Or maybe my father was a genius.

There is nothing like being able to enjoy my home for the holidays.  Besides, I would rather enjoy your holiday decorations.

I think skipping my decorations and driving around to see everyone else’s Christmas lights is pretty genius.  I just always feel like I am too busy ‘presenting’ the holidays to really enjoy the holidays.

The Ch in Christmas Stands for Cha Ching

When did we as a country decide that Christmastime means spending yourself out of house and home?

Why are we spending money we don’t have on an ephemeral holiday that doesn’t even stand for money? 

Have the perfect Christmas.  Christmas should be a family event!  The bigger the Christmas, the more you love your family.  You need decorations and presents and turkeys, oh my.  Celebrating Christmas is American; our consumer spending indicates our economic health. 

It’s like a wedding, but one that happens every year. 

So much pressure on a holiday that began in celebration of a little guy from Bethlehem.  I think he’ll understand if I sit this one out.