Why You Shouldn’t Get Married

People are more than willing to embrace freedom and choice when it comes to the end of a marriage.  And divorce (like inheritances to be divided among multiple children) turns calm, rational people into crazy, vindictive, attorney-wielding nut jobs.

Instead embrace freedom and choice before getting married, or consider getting married. 

People are so unhappy when it comes to marriage because they believe that everyone has to get married.

Common wisdom says to graduate high school and go to college, then graduate college and get a job.  Sometime during this period you date, become affianced, get married, and have kids all while doing a delicate financial dance.

The reasons people marry vary widely, but usually include one or more of the following: legal, social and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love.

-Wikipedia

Ooh, romantic.  Sign me right up.

We are happiest when we have control in our lives.  In order to do that, you have to know your options and choices.  The ‘life plan’ described above makes assumptions.  Among them is that you ‘must’ be married.  In this day and age, however, you don’t have to be married, or even be in a couple, to have children. Marriage, in many places, is no longer necessary for procreation, legitimizing sexual relations, or economic and social stability.  And marrying for these reasons isn’t particularly successful anyway.

1.  Marriage is not mandatory.  People who believe marriage is mandatory can make the mistake of thinking that marriage is the ‘next step’.  That because you have been dating for three, or five, or ten years that you deserve a marriage proposal or that it is time to give one.  Christmas or Valentine’s or a birthday is around the corner, and it’s ‘time’. 

Just as you shouldn’t get a promotion simply because you have seniority, no one should ever expect a marriage proposal simply because someone unilaterally put an expiration date on relationship: stage 2. 

2.  Do not marry for love.  The fact that you can be in love with multiple people automatically excludes marrying for love.  It’s like marrying for money or sanity; many people have money and are well-adjusted.  It doesn’t mean you should marry any of them.  Love, like finances or mental health, is a valuable factor but not a determining one. 

3.  Know thyself.  How on earth can you expect someone to make an informed decision about marrying you (e.g. ‘knowing you’) if you don’t even know yourself?  How can you make an informed decision about whether this person is compatible for you, if you don’t know what they even need to be compatible with? 

4.  Compatibility is relative.  People look at the situation and think, “everything is good, we’re in love, I’m so happy” as proof of compatibility.  All that proves is that you are, by all appearances, compatible in one specific set of circumstances. 

Out of the many times your life will change and evolve, the fact that you seem to be compatible now, does not mean you will be compatible later.  Maybe the bliss is a situational symptom of more sex and less responsibility.  Once you change those factors, say goodbye to the bliss.  But how can you know any of this, unless you know yourself first?

4.  Find your soul mate.  Once you have embraced the freedom that comes along with knowing that you do not ever need to get married, you have the option of refusal.  You never have to get married just because it’s time/you’re in love/you seem happy.  These are external factors only.  True marital BLISS comes from marrying your soul mate. 

Do I mean that there is only one person in the world for you?  Absolutely not.  Perhaps you could consider looking for your divine complement – a new colloquialism for a ‘match made in heaven’ – who holds inborn potentials that match and complement your own.  Without knowing yourself, finding your soul mate is much less likely. 

Embraced freedom from marriage and you never have to settle for less than what is best for you. 

Marriage should be a union of two whole and happy people coming together to be partners and advocates for each other.  This is the secret.  Do you ever stop loving your children?  Absolutely not.  A very key component of this is that, as a parent, you spend the rest of your life as an advocate for your children. 

Spend the rest of your life as an advocate for your marriage and your partner.