Don’t do anything, absolutely nothing, unless you are happy.
Don’t get married, have children, take vacations, make money unless you are happy first.
Why not? Read this article by one of my all-time favorite bloggers. That’s why.
He said that his life was, in essence, was a series of moments either good or bad and then proceeded to explain that most of the time he is ’somewhere in between’. It didn’t seem to even occur to him that he should expect to live a life of unparalleled happiness and passion.
When your happiness depends on external factors, it will always be temporary.
The Buddhists almost get it right but for years I have been disatisfied with Buddhist philosophy and was only recently able to figure out why it misses the mark for me. In essence, Buddhists believe that wanting and desire causes men unhappiness. Their solution is to simply stop wanting and desiring things. It seems a bit like cutting off a foot that is causing pain. “The foot causes pain? Cut it off!”
That philosophy is ass backwards because it addresses a symptom, not the cause. In the example, in focusing on your foot pain, you completely ignore the fact that your foot is broken.
The pain is there for a reason and is indicative of something else. The pain is not the problem. Similarly, if you are unhappy, then your emotions or soul is trying to tell you something. Your unhappiness is not the problem.
You desire things because you want to be happy, you’re not unhappy because you desire them and are denied.
Some people actually get what they ‘want’ and are still, surprise, unhappy.
1. Take responsibility. As Viktor Frankl states, you must take responsibility for your own existence. I tend to give this man great credence as he survived the holocaust in concentration camps, including the infamous Auschwitz.
I would go so far as to insist that you read “Man’s Search for Meaning”. Abundantly clear is that even people in the camp, in situations of incredible horror, had moments of happiness, or could be happy. Their standards of what gave them joy, however, were greatly redefined. But if you do not depend on external factors for happiness, then I believe that you can have more than ‘moments of happiness’ even in that situation.
But the first step, as in a 12 step program, is to admit the situation and take responsibility for it. Take responsibility for your own unhappiness.
2. Know yourself. You must know yourself in order to be happy. If you do not know yourself, are not centered and confident, then no amount of ‘want restriction’ will make you happy. You end up restricting everything out of your life and then what are you left with? Yourself.
As for the Buddhists, the reason ‘want restriction’ occassionally works, is that it can provide a rubric for understanding yourself, or reworking yourself so that you understand your new self. But you cannot achieve happiness by simply denying your love for chocolate, relationships, money, love, legos, whatever.
3. Be GRATEFUL. Practice gratitude. The day I realized that everything I was successful for I was grateful for, is the day that I realized that everything I was grateful for was an achievement and success. Try to be unhappy while you are going through the day grateful for everything.
4. Do not live on automatic pilot. Be thankful and cherish and take joy in every moment of your day. From loving your spouse, to cleaning and organizing, to cuddling with children, to eating fantatic food, be mindfully happy.
If you move through your day without awareness and consciousness, then you move through your day on automatic pilot. And, most likely, you spend your day ‘in between’ happy and sad moments. Perhaps it is only in those moments you are conscious or mindful in your life?
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January 29, 2008 at 5:17 pm
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August 8, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Just Jonny
Interesting take on happiness. I was surprised that you so adamantly disagreed with Trent’s blog, because I felt the spirit of his message was a positive one. His roadmap for happiness was methodical and that is something I can appreciate. However, the milestones you set here, in contrast, seem to bring more consistent happiness and on a much higher level. Kudos.
hayden tompkins says:
I disagreed because it seemed like the equivalent of “settling”. I don’t want to settle; I want a life that kicks ass in every moment. That doesn’t mean that every moment has to be ‘big’ or ‘important’, just that one sucks the marrow of its sweetness.